This topic contains 4 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  abhishek 2 years, 1 month ago.

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    Devil s in me

    Our was a love marriage which took about 2 years to materialise after disclosing it to our families..problem was mainly my dad but by 2 years he was content with everything…
    We got married in July 2013…its going to be 2 years now…
    We were apart most of the time…actually we have been together only for about 7 months…that too in patches of 2 months n 3 months at times…due to our professional issues…
    Now we are in different states and he is too busy to even come down home…and i landed up with a permanant govt job in our home state…
    I dont know if its my passing thought because i am unemployed for the past 1&1/2yrs and was preparing for my pg entrance during this gap..but havent been successful yet…but i feel the romance in our relationship has died out..i have begun to feel highly insecure of late…even when i am with him…its like we are fighting everyday!!…matters range from silly to serious but still we are fighting most of the time…
    He is so engrossed with work that he gets exhausted by the time he reaches home and all he wants is to watch a movie and go to sleep…i am overtly concerned about the huge amount of stress thats piling upon him and since we havent yet been successful in starting a family yet, i feel miserable about it(his stress and not conceiving..both!!)…
    I know he loves me a lot…cares for me like a father to his daughter…but still there is something amiss…
    I get frustrated when he goes for work and comes back after nearly 12-13 hrs!!
    His job profile is a highly responsible one i know…but that leaves no time for me…but he enjoys doing his work a lot…so i dont know what to say…
    Discipline in life is void in him…and for me i am someone who is quite disciplined…the condition of our house when i visit him once in a few months is nothing less than a dumpyard!! It just pisses me off like anything…i argue with him saying that if you can do your work well then why dont you bother to keep the house well…its because you give priority only to your job and so starts the quarreling…
    Can anybody help me please??
    I am new here…
    I was feeling soo lost after pulling off a big fight yesterday that i googled up for online help…
    Its sunday today and he has gone for work!!…its something he should have completed long back but since he was lazy to complete it;he is forced to do it today coz tomorrow there is some meeting and it has to be doñe before tonight…
    And the worst part is that i am leaving from here on wednesday back home coz i have to join my new job on saturday!! And today was the last sunday before i leave!!..
    I am feeling so lonely here..feeling left out..feel like screaming out and crying out loud..
    Somebody please help me…help me to help US!!



    Don’t worry sister as u said he takes lot of care about u that means he is too busy in his work. He loves u a lot but he is not having sufficient time to express it. You should understand his problem and talk with him c



    Don’t worry sister as u said he takes lot of care about u that means he is too busy in his work. He loves u a lot but he is not having sufficient time to express it. You should understand his problem and talk with him calmly. I can understand that u r feeling alone in house, so u can try any job.


    Azad Joshi

    As per view their are two major problem in between you both First less communication and second immediate reaction.
    Many times before happening the problem we are assuming the negative situation and when it happens we are taking predetermined decisions and thing go on more worse.

    I know it is difficult situation when argument starts and we starting proving our self right and responsible during this situation I can give you a tip which many times I am using that let wait for a 2-3 mins after his comments and let him to speak fully and then some times we have to clam and quite so he can also get some time to realize the impact or correctness of his statements. May be after lunch or dinner try to clarify him the situation and express your feeling calmly because immediate reaction will amplify the anger between you both. Try this 2-3 times with patience it may help to improve the situation.



    Just giving some ideas, today once he comes home , tired!

    – understand if he is now better prepared for tomorrows meeting, could he finish the task today which he was attempting… in case he is perfectionist, he may be too relieved OR still less relieved, but after a days work, though anybody will be tired, but the sense of putting sincere effort, elates a person, and so i am sure somewhere he will be positive and bit relieved/relaxed on entering home!

    – give him a smile when he enters home…

    – if possible, massage his head OR anytime then OR late in night before sleep, massage his legs …
    he might go for quick sleep, but I am sure he will have some good feeling for you, so keep hold of his hand!

    – prepare some drink / stuff which he like to eat/drink, anything, need not be very effort intensive…

    – in case both of you are quite when he comes in, just to break the ice and start a conversation,you can share your new place expectations and start with some professional topic

    – share some plan from your side, when next time you may visit him, lets say you mention that you will try to come again in next 2 months (on high side), I believe, he might chip in and say some good words … like he may show his concern on these long gaps due to staying apart OR better still if he mentions of his own plan to visit your place !

    -As he was single-handedly running the family, so he may be giving more importance to the JOB/WORK part, i am sure with you getting a permanent job he would be more relived on financial side, but as both of you were living apart earlier also, so might be he has developed a lifestyle of doing things single handedly… he might be staying untidy, still somethings he would be doing which are likable … may be caring for pets, being admirer of others, sensitive on few other things … feel good for that!

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