This topic contains 7 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  lindsey_sooze 3 years, 2 months ago.

Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #13767

    Sharmashru
    Participant

    Hello,
    I don’t really know lyk what might have I addressed u. I have started over think. Even at night I keep thinking of my past my present and future. I have gone through almost all website to find out what my kundali says about my marriage. I’ve mailed to many of palmists. I have watched and read 2 states from Chetan Bhagat. I have done my mba still sitting idle at home don’t know what to do as I cannot take anybody who try to boss me. Plus my parents are conservative over protective and don’t like me hanging out with friends too much.

    In short I feel I am lost. Stressed out. Pissed off. I feel like running away from everything.

    Anyways, before I tell you what’s my prob I’ll start of by sharing some of my life events.

    Event 1.
    When I just completed my schooling I don’t know why but unfortunately I got into a relationship…. That guy was a total psycho. I realised that this relationship was not going well. I tried convincing him that I am no more in love with you but he didn’t handle that maturely and abused me through words and some violence. simultaneously I fell a deep affection for my graduation best buddy. And I told him what I felt. For consequently 3 days we dated each other and we kissed also. Both of us actually ( pls mind the word actually) forgot that I was already in relation with the psycho guy. We fell in love but eventually had to made our feelings stop until I broke up with my ex. So then I broke up and was single for around 3 months. And one fine day my best buddy msg me telling me let’s get back together and forget the past.

    Event 2.
    So because he ( my buddy now my new bf) and I wanted to take up same post grad clg we went to mumbai. Things were going very smooth for first 3 months but gradually certain arguments and misunderstanding started as in every relationship goes through when it starts growing. Apart from all the negative stuffs between us our love never faded and we were more attached to each other. Now this attachment obviously grew with us having sex for the first time and then gradually more as time passed.
    In those two years I felt that we lack a bit of understanding, trust and belief in one another.
    Understanding in the sense that we lack empathy
    Trust in the sense that we both had pasts which even though we neglect it but still it comes alive when we have a fight.
    Belief in the sense that we do not accept the fact that the other person is saying right in any context.

    Event 3.
    We belong to same places. I came back to my hometown and he stayed in Mumbai for getting a job so that he can ask my parents to let me marry him.

    It was time when we become more emotionally attached. However we still argue about small stuffs. My mother said he will not be able to handle me. And even though I do not want to de moralise him, I also at some point felt that may b my mother is right. Because every time we have a fight it’s because I feel bad about something and I try to make him understand that that this is what is bothering me. What he does is he try to convince me to his thoughts that whatever he did was never an intention to hurt me. sometimes I let things go but sometimes it’s just that I expect a certain kind of behaviour from him which will calm me down and most of the time he disappoints me and loses his temperament and things get worse.

    No doubt we do love each other deeply and want to get married but I am really afraid of certain questions
    What if he stays the same way and dint understand how I feel?
    What if our marriage do not succeed.?
    What if my mother said is right?
    Will I be able to love any other person so strongly the way I love him?
    Am I expecting too much from him?

    Like most of the daughters experience, even I was loved and cherished by my family Everytime. They are very very caring and this is what I expect him to do. I really don’t know what to do.
    Should I give up our relationship. My mother already opposes love marriage as she saw my father’s younger brother getting married to a wrong girl. She thinks all love marriage end up in dissatisfaction. plus our fights get into worse situation many times and all I feel that time is to finish off with this and be single again. But at the same time I don’t want to lose him and become isolated again from the world.

    Am I going mad or what.
    What should I do

    #15476

    lindsey_sooze
    Participant

    I am not sure whether I am the right person to respond you or not. In your entire question I felt that you only think about yourself.
    Initially you involve with some guy. Then you realised that he is not of your type so you left him. I am not sure about him but it is very difficult to control emotions and faced rejection. May be due to this he behaved with you like that.

    For second boy as you said that he is your best buddy. You love him, have emotions for him still you have too many doubts. I am not sure about your definition of love. For me when you love some one then you think much about him rather then yourself.

    As per me you are confused because you are able to see other options. Sometime we don’t give importance to the person who is close to us. We realise the importance when we loose that person.

    #15478

    Sharmashru
    Participant

    Look my ex is no more an issue. I just wanted to share that is why I wrote that. I admit that rejecting him the wrong way was my mistake, but then I tried conveying him nicely a lot of time but he dint understood so that was the reason I took that step and left him. I understand what a pain of rejection means and never wanted it to end the way it actually ended.

    Anyways the thing is at present I really do want to be with my present bf but we lack understanding. I want to improve that but things just keep becoming complicated every time we argue. It’s not that I didn’t do anything. I do commit mistake. I just want him to handle me more patiently rather that losing his head because when I’ll get married I have to maintain relation with everyone he’s related to. I’ll leave my home, everything behind just on the basis of trusting him. What if he does the same thing afterwards where will I go and share of what I feel.

    And I do not have any options with me I don’t know why u said so. But yes I am confused because I don’t want any of us crying after getting married and then regret our decision. What is wrong in being 100% sure before getting married.
    BTW which country do you belong?

    #15479

    lindsey_sooze
    Participant

    What kind of misunderstanding do you have can you describe in details. Is it related to trust between each other or something else?

    #15480

    Sharmashru
    Participant

    Most of the misunderstanding occur because our lack of communication. Whenever some argument arises one or the other stops talking or try not to clear it at that moment because the likely chances are it will turn to a fight. And this is when I go mad. I keep on thinking stuffs and forms a chain reaction of negative thoughts. I think it’s more of me who doesn’t understand him rather than him.

    Many of times rather I would say most of the time he let go of many of my mistakes. But I don’t no why this is where I lack and I start judging him that may b he cannot handle me. And I remember the offence or his mistake for a really long time. Please help me improve on this. how can I let myself let go of things.

    #15481

    lindsey_sooze
    Participant

    You have not given any example of misunderstanding. I just wanted to know whether your are arguing on serious things or silly things. Anyway it is your personal matter.

    What I understood:
    You both have not good understanding between each other due to which your start arguing and then fight with each other.
    Your boy friend understand you more then you. Because he most of the time forget your mistakes.
    You both have feelings and love for each other.

    My Suggestions:
    First of all you should rethink about your past misunderstandings. Can you avoid that? Do you have another alternative to solve those misunderstanding rather then arguing.
    Be positive with your life. When two people become life partner then many new things come to their life. If you are able to manage all the things till now then definitely you will able to live happy married.
    Love and marriage are based on trust and caring. Remember each other caring and loving time. This will help you to release your tension.
    If you are planning to leave this person then what will assure you that future man will understand you and care you?

    Ans yes you are not mad :) These things are normal. So enjoy your life!!

    #15482

    Sharmashru
    Participant

    Yes actually most of the time the arguments are over silly things which I because of over thinking make it big issue in my mind and then it all starts.
    May b I you are right that I had been a self centred person. Now when I think of what all happened between us was actually more of because I gave importance to those stupid stuffs. He also equally commited mistakes but I think I should ignore them now let it go.

    I hope it’s not too late for me to return all the understanding he showed.

    Thank you very much for your help.
    Now that I have shared so much with you, I’ll tell you a good news, I told him I was sorry and that I now feel very bad for what I did and your such a sweetheart that I feel so lucky that I have such an understanding partner.

    Thanks so much again.

    #15483

    lindsey_sooze
    Participant

    I am feeling good that my thoughts are helping someone.
    Your good news is really a very interesting. Your nice and loving words can do magic. Sometime whenever my wife become very angry with me I hugged her suddenly and said the magical three words. Her anger immediately disappeared :)

Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.