i need professional help

This topic contains 1 reply, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  burak Parlak 7 months ago.

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  • #21618

    burak Parlak
    Participant

    hello, i was diagnosed as ocd two years ago. i had bad times and anxiety attacks two times. i had divorced and neglecting parents and never had a nicr childhood, i always loved reading and thinking, never was interested in normal social life and my peers were making jokes of me all the time and i became socially awkward. later in time, i had more family traumas and then i started to.believe that i was special, having signs from god and i was destined to becomea savior or something. i had this defence mechanism to continue my life back then and this twisted mental state helped me to a point, it was like a food for my soul to reduce my emotional pain, a compensation mechanism. then in 2010 i had my first major breakdown, great panic and anxiety because of these beliefs. i felt like my imaginary life was collapsing. i have always had compulsive behaviour about this anyway, it was like:you want god to help you, then you must blink three times etc… then i started a normal.life and tried to heal myself ,it took a year to deal. then i became atheist, i was blaming religion for this disease of mine. then o continued like this until 2016,then i had second major breakdown. this time it was maainly pure obsession,i was afraid to kill my family in my sleep, because i used to believe delusional things like i was a messiah or something,i was afraid to snap out, lose reality and hurt my family(as i told, this messiah thought was an escape and sweet way to deal with my emotional pain from my traumas). this time i hadn’t had and religion though, but i had some megical/occult interests. these interests were like an escape from boring world. i have always looked for something to make me feel special, and this is probably main fisorder. then i stopped these occult researches too and went to a few specialist ost. i told everything i mentioned here to them and they diagnosed me with ocd, and major depression. i had treatment for a year and then i stopped medication. For i am a dentist, i left my city and come to syrian border. people here are extremely illiterate and i always feel a danger for my life. i started to become more and more introverted and started to read about occult(reading i ching/tibetan.and.egyptian book.of.dead etc) and hinduism/buddhism/meditaion/yoga. i practiced I ching(a fortunetelling book) and mentioned about them to my family.and these things made my family alerted. they told me to look for a specialist.i told them: because of i ching , i can read future and see the coming problems daily. yes, i know it sound crazy, and even i feel like crazy when i type about i ching. but i have a very challenging life and this is like a religion to me, otherwise i feel like i will have a serrious.breakdown again. but i also.understand that i am doing same thing again and escaping to my imaginary sweet world to cope with my problems. im afraid of having some sort of schizophrenic disease. my grandpa and father were introverted too, and my male cousin(son of my aunt). i dont know if im going crazy or im undergoing a spiritual development. im extremely confused. i would appreciate if some psychiatrist could help. please help…

    #21619

    burak Parlak
    Participant

    i like some company most of time, i like to talk and laugh. i dont have unreasoned problems with people. but i cant find anyone who worth to be friends. im higly selective. and i am alone.for this reason. my family tells me that i have a problem because i have lesser friends then them.

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