September 26, 2013 at 6:43 am #13468
I am a 30 year old working woman in Delhi. I had an arranged marriage in August last year. My fiance and I had met a number of times before marriage. I began loving him. A month after marriage in September end, I discovered he had a 3.5 year relationship with a married colleague. He had hid it from me. I confronted. He told me he is off it and not really in touch with her. Out of love, I gave him a chance even though I suspected he might still be in touch with her. May be I was not ready to hear the truth. He assured me he is mine and not doing anything to hamper the marriage. I believed. Around 1.5 months after the confrontation in December, I found an SMS addressed to that woman, asking her if she had lunch. I was blown off. When I confronted him, he broke down and told me, he had called that woman 2-3 times after marriage and had SMSed 7-8 times just to figure out if she was ok. He said he realised his mistake and came out of it, thanks to the strength of my love. He said he had cut all ties with her since November beginning. 9 months have passed I still can’t get over the fact that he lied to me, shattered my trust. We have frequent fights. I accuse him of cheating me all the time and also say very nasty things to him. I have not been able to accept what he did. After one such nasty fight, last week he told me dark truths about his past to me. He said I should know these things. He said he had planned to tell all of these during honeymoon but could not gather the strength. He told me how a girl he liked had rejected him in college. He said he had lived by good moral values till then but thereafter, he changed. He could not take it. When he joined work, he had a physical fling with a girl at his relative’s place. He maintains they did not have sex but she made advances which he initially resisted but fell for later even though he had told her from the very beginning that he can’t marry her. But after some time he realised he was doing something that was very wrong and said a stern NO to that girl and stopped responding to her advances. Thereafter, he entered into an emotional relationship with this married elder colleague who had a troubled past. Their relationship began on phone and then progressed to something else. Their relationship was mostly on phone and some 5-6 meetings at public places. There were some advances, he said, but nothing intensely physical though they indulged over these things on phone. He said their relationship was going nowhere. He became emotionally wrecked. He knew he was in a mess and desperately wanted to come out of it. The girl also drove the same from her side. She asked him to leave her and get married. But they were so deeply attached to each other that it took him a lot of time to fully come out of the 3.5 year relationship. This is what he says. I am not able to believe him completely as he hid so many things from me about his past earlier. There are so many versions that he has shared with me about his past that I don’t know what to believe and how much to believe. He has broken my belief and my trust. Even though he says things like he loves me a lot and my love helped him come out of the mess and that he wants to forget the 4 bad years of his life when he lost his way. I don’t know how to believe him. I feel completely shattered and hate him some times. I feel suicidal and desperately want to go back to my simple life that I had before marriage. My life has become too complicated for me to handle and it is replete with lies, mistrust, infidelity and deception. I feel I am stuck. Please help me move on in life.October 16, 2013 at 2:02 pm #15330
I am facing same sort of problem. The difference is that my marriage is a love marriage and I know that my husband had a past relationship with a girl. He also told me that his 1st girlfriend cheated him. Now she married to another guy but they have enough excuse to call each other. But he never talk with her infront of me, when ever she calls my husband always told my lie, that some other friend called him. And every time cought him he promised that he never called her. But he never keep His promise. Please help me. This issue I can’t handle anymore. It making me a depressed
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