Losing my mind .. Please help

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    I am 27 ,i am single,fat,black,ugly and soon to be jobless.Sounds bleak right ? Thats what my mom says and she is not too wrong either.Iam over weight partly cause i am lazy and partly cause i love food. Now who doesnt love food?The problem with me is that i do not share my problems wih my friends,family or anyone .I lost my best friend 5 years ago and it hit me hard.Since then its been an up hill battle to just stay strong.My mom and dad mock me when i break down so i taught my self to buck up and take it like nothing can faze me . But the truth is it does.Over teh years i have been battling self image issue , eating disorder,social anxiety,inferiority complex and depression.Now i am sick of fighting ,i have given up and i am complacemnt .so complacent that i am losing teh grip over my life.My love life has been divine tragedy of serious wrong choices.I keep going after men i think love me ,though i know all they want is to get laid!But for the sake of feeling loved i am almost ready to put myself through anything , it repulses me , i don’t know what i have become. I picked up an exciting and excellent career , I am a PR executive , its one of the most stressful jobs ever.Each day i fight to prove that i belong to this profession and now my company after 8 months of hard work is yet to confirm my position there . My parents are at complete loss as far as i am concerned . They can’t wait to get rid of me , they live in constant worry of what the word thinks. which frankly i don’t give a damn about . The fights with my parents each day after stressful work hours and nearly 4 hours of travelling is just not what i want to come home too . Moving out is not an option (money issue) , they don’t understand i work so hard when i wont be hired permanently , they don’t understand why no guy wants me , why i cant lose weight or why i am such a loser.

    Nobody knows my struggle , to live , to breathe to get from one day to another is just another fight. I can’t discuss anything with my friends cause they know me to be a super girl . I am the one who fixes thing . they don’t know how broken i am within ,its impossible to continue like this i have developed High BP and suffer a mild form of hypothyroid which is not helping me healthwise .I dont know know what to do …please help me .. how do i make it ? how do i survive , i want to live , i want to fight and win , i cant give up , SUICIDE IS NOT AN OPTION !!!!

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