low self confidence due to break up

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    am 24 preparing for civil service.I had a 5
    and half yr relationship wd a guy who is my neighbour but they shifted
    recently. the issue is we broke off. he is one of the top 10 rankers
    of the country in upsc. all these five years i was wd him in all
    the thick and thin.i never ever left his syd..not even once. but 4
    years ago while being in the relationship he had cheated me once for
    another girl,as he had confessed tat infront me and said tat he needs
    me.i had forgiven him. and after tat everythng was very very normal
    and we shared and very close and intimate bond. then he got
    IPS.everyone was way too happy including me as he wud always say
    without my support he wouldnt hv got this feat. during his ips
    training days things were normal but we generally got into arguments
    because of timing issues. but we used to settle them asaap. then he
    got IAS . by that time both of our family knew about the
    relationship. am a brahmin but he isnt. and his family tried to find
    fault in everything tat i did. my family isnt very rigid about caste.
    they started abusing me. first it was like his mother had invited me
    and my bro for dinner but she dint talk to me. then she said am dark
    and they wuld get better looking girls. then they said am fat. as i hv
    a hormonal problem ie hypothyroidism,wch is under control. they said i
    cant be a good mother and with hypothyroidism am infertile. they even
    went on to ask my blood group. even the guy had created an issue about
    my blood group. this all happened around july-august last year. and
    within 10-15 days i had my preliminary exam of upsc on 24th august. i
    was too disturbed. his IAS training started. and during
    this tym his mom wud call me and say things lyk “find a job now and u
    have to leave it after babies” then she wud say “u all are brahmin and
    we cant let u get into our family as tat wud end our clan” ..she even
    said you have hypothyroidism so u can never be a mother. and this guy
    also had strtd drifting apart. he neither used talk to me nor his
    parents. on diwali we both talked and thngs had settled as he hd said
    he wont leave me in any case. and within 12 hrs everythng changed!!
    his mother called me day after diwali, and said my mom to stop this
    relationship then and there. and the reason given was ” brahmin” and
    that “i dont have a job”. am preparing for upsc how can i concentrate
    on both??? the relationship ended from his syd. he never ever called
    me to say tat. after 2-3 days i called him and asked wat was the
    matter and why is he behaving this way. he gave me 3 reasons;
    – he has no feelings for me
    -even if he gets the feeling back his family wont allow
    -he wants a spouse who has ias.
    i was totally devasted. i had shared a very close bond wd him. he
    meant evrythng to me…my bestest frnd. even when he used to scold me
    or pull me down i never took them seriously and always tried to
    maintain the relationship. the only thing was i was bit possesive
    about him and during the last days of our relationship i had stopped
    doing tat even as he wud say he dint lyk this attitude of mine.
    too many things are going on insyd my mind. i did every possible
    thing for him. everythng tat he wanted and whenever he wanted. i had tried calling him sme days back just to know tat he has blocked my no. then i tried whatsapping him to find out tat he has blocked tat too. most of his IPS and IAS friends are my frnds too and m close to some of them even. recently one of his
    frnd had called me and i got to know tat he is seeing someone there
    and many have stopped interacting with him because of what he has done
    to me. everyone knew about us. i asked him again to which he replied “
    till now am not seeing anyone”. some days back i saw him and i called him ..he lied saying he isnt der..and he
    said am a “bastard” and when he used to get angry he wud call me wd all foul words.. his sister used to call me earlier and continuously say me “
    u dont deserve my brother..he deserves someone much better than u”.
    everyone in the society,my frnds,family,his frnds,his
    family…everyone knew about ds relationship. many ask me about it. i
    feel ashamed of myself. some years back he had already cheated me for
    another girl and now again. it has totally sucked my self confidence.
    his mom used to call me and say ” u wont b able to get into this
    coveted service,u dont have that capability”. his dad said my dad ” my
    son helps every girl and that doesnt mean he will marry each one”. all
    these years i had dedicated my life to him..i never betrayed him on
    anything. then why did it happen with me??? do i really lack at so
    many places??? my family is very supportive but seeing me sad they get
    very disturbed. my extended family says am lucky enough to have been
    saved from their clutches. i keep texting him. i find my own behaviour
    weired. i have so much to study. my upsc exams are in august but am
    not able to give my 100%. why the hell god did this to me. i was
    always true to everyone around me. i loved him with all my heart
    and soul..still he betrayed me. please help me out.


    First of all I feel very sorry for you. You have given your 100% but that boy has cheated you. You believe it or not I have also gone through with same kind of situation.
    You know life has taught you a very important lesson. Now a days people become very selfish. They react based on there situation. When he needed you he has feelings for you. Now he achieved his goal of life than all his feelings for you got disappeared.
    Definitely he will get a better looking girl than you but I know he will never get a better human than you as a life partner. My sister’s marriage also got broken because the boy cleared his CA exam and than these people got another rich family. This is another example.

    Incidents which you have mentioned clearly showed that these people are not good. Initially every things was fine but now they found several negatives in your personality!! Great!! What kind of people are they! If these people are behaving now like that you can also imagine that later they can also create problems for you.

    I recommend you to leave this person immediately. You are also a good girl who is preparing for UPSC. You are not a weak girl who need help of that person. How dare his father talk to your father like that. Kick these people out from your life and focus on your coming exams. You will get very limited opportunities in your life to appear in these exams so please concentrate.


    yes i got a very good lesson.when he had no job and was preparing for this exam he wud constantly ask me not to leave him..as he was insecure. but after he getting this job he had started behaving in a very different manner. he wud constantly scold me and if i cried he wud say “go die somewhere”. al his behaviour has sucked up my confidence. am bit short 5′ 3′ and flabby and his family wud constantly criticize me for the same.
    does karma hold for such people? i mean do these people get in return wat they did to me?? i have seen people saying “what goes around aalso comes around”..i hope they get a lesson of their own deeds. but the damage they caused me can never be forgiven.


    I am not sure for each case but as per my experience of my life I have seen many people who did wrong with others and get the same in return. You know the person who left my sister, when he became CA, has got very fine experience. He got divorce due to family problems.
    But why you bother about them. Sooner or later he will get the same thing in return. So you start forget about him.

    Your thoughts also showed me that you are a bit negative. Why? 5’3” is not too short and this is the thing which God has gifted you. So stop thinking like you are too short. OK.
    Flabby part is something which you can change. Start exercise etc..One you see improvement in your body it will boost your confidence. So be strong and never cry in front of anybody.
    Start focussing on your exam. If you cleared your exam with flying colors then definately you will get good position and this will improve your life. You are a woman who is the srongest creature of God. So be strong.. :)


    yes u are right i have become negative and this is wat my relationship has done to me. earlier i used to be a very confident happy go lucky girl..but in last 5 years he regularly used to say me to be submissive. am working on tat part of negativity. i have started jogging and changing my perception but yuou know it takes hell lot of time to see d change. and i was so tortured mentally over phone things keep ringing in my head. i just hope i get out of this situation asap.
    things have changed my life is peaceful now and i dont cry but i do feel bad and angry at tat guy and his family. as he never ever apologised to my parents even and tat he thinks he was right.
    personally i know my height isnt too short but i was told so much about it u wont believe even. his mother used to pin point and criticize about each of my body part which is kind of difficult for a girl to forget even. i never understood how on earth people can be so insensitive and tat too one woman towards another woman. it was a traumatic experience.
    seeing ur sisters case i feel elated tat guy who left ur sister got his share of punishment. i know ur sister wud be much happier now with her life. people should know and learn that u cant play with emotions and weaknesses of others. this thing if learnt can probably make this world a better place.


    Hi sister, never and ever care for this type of cheap guys. It is good that u came to know about him before the future things may get wrong with your life. Don’t feel that you lossed him instead always think that ge losed the true love which he will not going to get by anyone in his life. He became loser now just concentrate on ur studies. Bad time will not be always be there with good people, be positive and have confidence on yourself that u will overcome frm all this and live ur life happily. You should live the life happily by seeing this the people who ignored and insulted u will really feel cheap and bad for themselves only..


    yes am just trying my way out to live happily. but as i was very attached to this guy its taking bit longer time. i hope some day the sun shines on me. these people have insulted me and my family a lot.


    It will be good for u to be away frm bad people. We cannot change them unless only the time will teach them a lesson. So till that u have many works to do so concentrate on that. Don’t think about useless think, u still have bright future. You are the only person that who can make your life happy so be happy.


    when i tell peoplr about this some feel bad for me and some laugh. wat do u think wasnt it wrong on his part to use me for his benefits,torturing me wd bad words?? people become insensitive.


    There is nothing happend to feel bad about u, don’t take any kindness by others and definitely don’t care the people who laughs they are unmatured. U just had a bad time thats it , not only u everyone will have bad times in their lifes. That teaches u a good lesson for future. Now u have the ability to understand different type of people thats it so don’t feel bad for someone who didn’t done anything for u, just take care of urself and u are richer by having lovable family and frds so live for them , live the life how wanted to leave…


    i find it difficult to move on completely. thoughts keep coming everytime. the time we spent and just everything. now i feel it was all an illusion. our engagement was bout to take place. but i never knew he had such things in mind. he wud always say me ” if i marry u society will laugh at me as u dont have a job and all my frnds spouse are IAS or doctor”. he wud say “il marry only if u get IAS “. it was all very torturous. during the end days of our relationship he had started abusing me and criticising from head to toe.


    Ya i know it is difficult but not impossible , whatever may happen always think it is good. It is good that u came to know about yis character before marriage say thank god for that. That means he really not loved u, he loves the job and respect frm others more than u. It is not a bad thing that u loved a guy but it was a bad and wrong choice thats it.


    yes i know it is not impossible. and i will try to get over it. people are so insensitive these days. they can actually use a person as much as they want.


    Ya everyone will not be same as others. U cannot able to find good people quickly in these days. And also u has to leave in such sitiation. Don’t worry knowing a person completely is equal to reading a dictionary. So don’t feel bad for urself , now u a get an experiance frm now u will not going to cheated by anyone right? Frm now u will think before doing any thing. So frm now u can live wthout caring any other person.

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