- January 15, 2015 at 9:45 am #14661
Let me give you some background of my life before I tell about my current problems.
I was always a shy kid in primary school. I was one of the best schools in the country . I was from a middle class family and all my classmates were quite rich. I felt the inferiority complex which was also added to the cause of me staying withdrawn from them. Also my family unlike theirs, was a conservative one. But it did not make much difference till I was addicted to masturbation at an age when I didn’t even know its meaning. It just feel good so I did it. I used to do it as much as 3 times a day. It caused extreme stress and headache. But I was unaware that masturbation was the cause of the stress. I walked stiff, which I still do, and people always complain of that. I didn’t feel good talking to people, masturbation was my only source of pleasure. Result was poor social life and I lacked in the most basic physical skills. I was good in studies. Since I didn’t socialize much, I devoted a lot of time to studies. In class 11 and 12 I took IIT-JEE coaching and devoted my entire concentration to it, forgetting about my disturbed social life. Result was that I made it to one of the leading institute of the country but I didn’t have any friends. I still don’t have any friends from school.
Now I entered college with a determination that I would work upon my social aptitude more than academics. In college, people were not so rich and classy as they were in school. Most of them were from middle class families like mine which gave me some confidence. I tried to enter some of the activity clubs in the campus but was rejected due to my weak communication skills(which shocked me coz I was from a school which boasted of personality development). I was still addicted to masturbation, which continued to be the only source of pleasure in my hopeless life. Headache and brain fog increased. I couldn’t make any friends in college either. I couldn’t even talk to boys leave apart girls. Then In the middle of second year I encountered a few websites which claimed that my masturbation addiction is the major cause of my disturbed life. I worked hard to quit masturbation and now after a little more than 1 year I have almost done away with it.
I am in the second half of my third year in college now. I have almost completely left masturbation. Headache has reduced. But still I have the same socializing problem. I can’t talk to people. I feel scared and these frightened expressions are visible on my face and people tell me that. My hands and leg shake when I talk to new people. I can’t just speak on stage to give presentations. I walk stiff. I am slow. I lack in l basic physical activities. My thinking capabilities are degrading day by day. When people ask me question I am scared and confused and am not able to think. I am not able to fight shopkeepers and bargain with them and my dad scolds me about it. I have no good friends even though I live in hostel. People avoid me. I cry at times but I know it is useless. I see no hope in future. People call me ‘lalloo’ , which is the hindi translation of an idiot. I hate myself. I often have suicidal thoughts but I am even scared to do that.
In all my life is hell. Please help me.January 15, 2015 at 11:17 am #15743
Hi brother, lets forget about the past and just focus on the current situation . I think u r not have any other activity other than studies. Try to devolop that and it is not difficult to make frds, u just nees to talk and share your thoughts and feelings with others. Don’t loose faith in yourself and in God , then every thing will gonna good for u. Don’t sit always in one place , try to go outside and mix with others then u will have the ability to talk with new people. If u have any doubt and questions then u can ask us…January 15, 2015 at 1:36 pm #15744
johnsnowParticipantswarup raj wrote:Hi brother, lets forget about the past and just focus on the current situation . I think u r not have any other activity other than studies. Try to devolop that and it is not difficult to make frds, u just nees to talk and share your thoughts and feelings with others. Don’t loose faith in yourself and in God , then every thing will gonna good for u. Don’t sit always in one place , try to go outside and mix with others then u will have the ability to talk with new people. If u have any doubt and questions then u can ask us…
“Mix with others”. That is the biggest problem for me. It is easier said than done. I am too self conscious and feel an adrenaline rush when I talk to certain kinds of people. My brain has created a perception that a few people are superior to me. It is very difficult to break this perception however hard i try. It comes naturally. It is involuntary. I force myself to be confident by I am not able to do so. People often take advantage of that and dominate me. I am far away from the believe that I am a normal person.
Also I lack in basic physical skills. I walk stiff. People often make fun out of that. I read somewhere that stiff walking is due to stress. I am unable to do away with that stress.January 15, 2015 at 1:56 pm #15745
Then you can go religious things where u can find some calmness, or do some physical excersizes which can make u strong.
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