Manipulative parent(s)?

This topic contains 3 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Maflo.27 1 month ago.

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  • #21569

    Happy
    Participant

    My mom hits me (like full on choking me and saying she wishes i was dead) but whenever she confronts me, she asks whether or not she’s done anything bad to or for me and i am forced to answer no. Is this normal? Am i really the problem?

    #21571

    Sukanya
    Participant

    Hi happy, your mom is going through depression piled up due to some uncomfortable situations like domestic voilence, feeling of rejection, some unlived life or wish. U have to confront her with the things she is doing wrong with you in calm manner or else you yourself be like her one day. Engage her in small works she is good into to make her feel good. Praise her for her presence in your life

    #21582

    Prachi
    Participant

    Hi Happy,

    I can imagine how terrifying it must be for you to go through such abuse. Sukanya above has presented a very probable hypothesis. May be your mother herself is fighting with depression and is displacing those feelings on to you. Another possibility is that she herself has been physically abused as a child and sees this behaviour as normal. But no matter what, the fact remains that YOU ARE BEING ABUSED and this will leave lasting scars on your psychological health. It seems that your mother, being in the position of power, is abusing that power over you and once she has been harsh with you, she fears that she may lose that control over you and therefore asks you if she is being too harsh.People who abuse usually go through this cycle of guilt, forgiveness and then resuming the abuse. I suggest that next time this happens to you, please stay calm and respond firmly that “yes, what you are doing is hurting me emotionally and it leaves me angry and confused. I’m wondering if we can find a way to communicate without you resorting to violence with me.” She might react with exaggerated emotion and say that you have hurt her by your behaviour but you can respond by “It was not my intention to hurt you but I have also been feeling hurt for a long time and I thought its high time we talked about it. If there is something that’s bothering you, you can try sharing with me, and I’ll try to help”. Try this and see what happens. I think you’ll get clues for further course of action from this. All the best!

    Regards
    Prachi

    #21623

    Maflo.27
    Participant

    My mom has been working since i was 3mos old and she left me at my grandparents custody so that they could look after me. I grew up knowing that my grandparents are my bioligal mother and father. My surname is taken from my grandparents so that i will be legitimate child (my real mom and dad never got marrried aand never been together after i was born). She supported me all the way til i finished college. When i reached the age of 18 my real mom became manipulative in every way, i didn’t grew up beside her so she doesn’t know my personality. We always had an argument and misunderstandings. Until she said some hurtful words that i am useless after she sacrificed everything for me. I felt so guilty and angry on myself. I know i have raised my voice but it was because i had enough of being humiliated, mockery everytime i try to do aomething good, she always say that i am disrespecful. Today she kicked my door in my room and screaming that i am useless. I have never felt so scared in my life for seeing her with so angry like i have done a biggest mistake in my life and to her life. It came to the point that i wanna kill myslef but i don’t want to because i have full of dreams for her and to my sister. I am so anxious as well coz she told me that she will die coz of me. Am i a bad daughter? Please i really need your advice. I don’t know what to do.

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