This topic contains 4 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  [email protected] 2 years, 11 months ago.

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  • #13843

    madhavi
    Participant

    hi
    It’s a love cum arranged marriage. before marriage he was so kind, he loved me a lot. But after marriage he changed completely. we are staying with his parents & his sister.

    Before marriage, he spend lots of time with me, but after marriage, if my husband is somewhere around me, my mother-in-law, pretends as if she is having some serious breathing trouble, & keeps him with her. if we planned to go for a movie, she & his sister always join us. from the day 1 she doesn’t like me. he forced his mom to accept our marriage. she wants her son to be with her all the time, she always complains me to my husband & create one or other problem between me & my husband, He believes her & he too fight with me. she doesn’t allow us to spend some time together.

    yesterday he told me to die. within 4 months of our marriage, he hated me completely.

    i often think of committing sucide rather than living with him. even i tried to hang myself, for that he said, if you want to die, die somewhere else. don’t do anything in our house & create problem to us.

    pls help how to deal with this situation. i don’t like to live.

    #15560

    helpneeded
    Participant

    Dear Madhavi,
    I’m not giving a solution for this problem(becoz I’m going thru’ this and not sure how to get over this). Hope somebody else will reply to this with the proper solution. But I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone in this situation. Like me, so many women are there who are bound to suffer this. I really hate Indian perception of marriages now. Initially I thought it was the best where divorces are less. But the truth is that we are supposed to keep silent in these matters so the men can do whatever they want. So obviously divorce rate will be less. Nobody expects man to adjust..
    But please dont think of suicide or something. We will try to be more strong. Thats what I’ve been trying these days. If your husband is ready to come for any counselling, go ahead. Things might change then.(My husband wasn’t ready for this). If not we have to learn to be strong. We cant expect our husbands or in-laws to understand any of our feelings. I also expected like that for long but in vain. Now I’m tryng to be independent in all aspects(if you are jobless, try to find any soln which can keep you busy). I’m trying not to be bothered when my husband ignores and hates me and pours all his care to his parents(though at times it makes me cry inside). I’m keeping a slight hope sometimes that he will come back to me when this mental separation is too long. But I’m not letting this hope to fill all over my mind to minimise my mental breakdown again. I’m keeping you too in my prayers to be strong.. Take care!

    #15561

    lindsey_sooze
    Participant

    Hi All,

    I am little bit surprised with this. Life is not a bed of roses. It is a mixture of all kind of experiences. Some time bad sometime good. Bad experiences does not mean that we have get rid of life. Life is very precious. We don’t know how we get this human life. So please remove the idea of suicide from your mind. After reading your question I was thinking about your love. Is it so weak that after 4 months of marriage you both have started thinking about suicide?

    See after marriage life got changed too much. Before marriage you both meet each other for less time in a day. In that time you have no responsibility. So life was just like a dream. Now after marriage this situation is different.

    Keep yourself in place of your mother in law. She is little bit scared of loosing her son. At the time of marriage she was not happy after knowing affair for her son and as you said that your husband has forced her to accept you. So she is feeling insecure. This feelings will take time to go. So I suggest you not to think in negative direction. You need to do some extra efforts to convince your mother in law that you are respecting her.

    As soon as your relation with mother in law improve you will see a change in your husband behavior. Try to avoid arguments, anger and other negative feelings with your in-laws and with your husband. Also try to avoid foolish behavior of your mother in law. These are childish things and if they behave like this then ignore it. Silence patience and humble are the qualities of human. So make it your habit. As time will pass you will see changes.

    If you take tension and start arguing with your husband then you as well as your husband will behave like this.

    Please let me know your thoughts..

    #15587

    Arjun
    Participant

    Hi,
    Love is the only thing if true will be at the ones aid in the time of difficulty. But what you are going through is just a test of hw truthful your love is…….?
    You must understand when you where in love…it was once in a day your husband could meet and discuss with you so that moment just as precious as a diamond for him. All those uncertainties and tension of losing you away was there among you and him. That was the factor that made that time and love so precious. Now you are along with him and he is not afraid that you will be lost from his life., he has now to take over the responsibility of son , brother and many more. So going for a film with him after a marriage may not be the only concern that’s affecting him.

    So i just think it would be quit good to wait patiently and see to what he really needs to be with him….
    For Mother-in-laws , just try to calm down its just the same rush of a mother being afraid of losing his son…….as our other respected member suggested try to win her heart….it may be hard for some may not acknowledge what you are doing good for her.

    Try to be his love being more responsible wife…..and even take some of the responsibility from him to yourself making you engage with the family as a whole.
    Suicide is just foolish thought…You have got something you loved…..just dont let it go…..its a test pass it…..you know the solution too….LOVE..
    Everything will be fine………

    #15589

    [email protected]
    Participant
    madhavi wrote:
    hi
    It’s a love cum arranged marriage. before marriage he was so kind, he loved me a lot. But after marriage he changed completely. we are staying with his parents & his sister.

    Before marriage, he spend lots of time with me, but after marriage, if my husband is somewhere around me, my mother-in-law, pretends as if she is having some serious breathing trouble, & keeps him with her. if we planned to go for a movie, she & his sister always join us. from the day 1 she doesn’t like me. he forced his mom to accept our marriage. she wants her son to be with her all the time, she always complains me to my husband & create one or other problem between me & my husband, He believes her & he too fight with me. she doesn’t allow us to spend some time together.

    yesterday he told me to die. within 4 months of our marriage, he hated me completely.

    i often think of committing sucide rather than living with him. even i tried to hang myself, for that he said, if you want to die, die somewhere else. don’t do anything in our house & create problem to us.

    pls help how to deal with this situation. i don’t like to live.

    Arjun wrote:
    Hi,
    Love is the only thing if true will be at the ones aid in the time of difficulty. But what you are going through is just a test of hw truthful your love is…….?
    You must understand when you where in love…it was once in a day your husband could meet and discuss with you so that moment just as precious as a diamond for him. All those uncertainties and tension of losing you away was there among you and him. That was the factor that made that time and love so precious. Now you are along with him and he is not afraid that you will be lost from his life., he has now to take over the responsibility of son , brother and many more. So going for a film with him after a marriage may not be the only concern that’s affecting him.

    So i just think it would be quit good to wait patiently and see to what he really needs to be with him….
    For Mother-in-laws , just try to calm down its just the same rush of a mother being afraid of losing his son…….as our other respected member suggested try to win her heart….it may be hard for some may not acknowledge what you are doing good for her.

    Try to be his love being more responsible wife…..and even take some of the responsibility from him to yourself making you engage with the family as a whole.
    Suicide is just foolish thought…You have got something you loved…..just dont let it go…..its a test pass it…..you know the solution too….LOVE..
    Everything will be fine………

    Mam,
    I am inexperienced to answer this. But want to say – Suicide proves that loop hole is in you only. You only will be referred as coward. After you death your husband will marry once again but your parents will be enduring a huge trauma.
    To stop all these the only solution is to face.
    For case of facing other experienced people will give you suggestions.
    Please think many times before every step coz this is your life and only you can mend it.

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