Myself a BPD and my husband a substance abuser !

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    Hello Prachi,
    I really need your help and counseling.I am also a doctor.
    I fell in love with my batch mate at medical college and married him after 7 yrs. And Now my marriage is 2and a half year old.
    Actually the problem began when on constant refusal by my then boyfriend (now husband)to talk to his parents regarding marriage, I started reacting heavily , the every next time. Actually, My parents were friendly to me and so I committed to marriage very soon, but he kept me waiting for years. And as the time went on, and his parents kept quiet even on knowing about me and ignoring me, I got furious day by day. And whenever he wanted anything more than friendship from me,(like kissing or any such thing), I felt even more violent as from adolescence only, I was bit conservative in this regard and lack of commitment of his parents added to my anger.And I started losing hands on him whenever he forced me to act out of my circle.
    I was also obsessed about his being near to me, I mean, remaining in my contact. I wanted him to give me as much time as i gave him. When my friendship with him started initially, he gave me a lot of time and importance. In fact I didn’t return him the same, but later on he changed. Now, he was many a time bored of me, as I took his lot of time and lost his interest.This kept me always insecure about my need in his life. As many a time, he said that he was bored of me.However, we never left each other as both of us could not live without each other. But my state was so bad that I could not lead a single hour without him/ talking to him on phone.
    I too had depressive episodes, plus mood swings. And in final year I lost my sleep due to sleep related anxiety and became late nighter. I had migraine too. I started using alprax and other sedative drugs.
    And My boyfriend too, I think out of all the disgust and pressure from both mine and his parents’ side became an alcoholic. And later on after marriage and repeated misses at the PG entrance exam, he started drowning himself in alcohol more and more.First i took his alcohol intake lightly, but when I saw this as an addiction,I started losing control on myself completely. I kept breaking things whenever he drank. Sometimes, even we had physical fight that most of the time, I initiated.
    The situations got worse when after getting good rank in Pg, I gave up my seat in MD obs gynae because of my ocd about cleanliness. I went into depression and he, into alcohol and zolpidem abuse. MD obs gynae I had taken because of my parents’ pressure. And his parents prevented me from preparing the second time.
    so, Finally after all these happening 10 years and continuous quarrels between us for the last 2 yrs, I am fearing that either of us will perish.Either I will suicide or he will. I want to withdraw myself from his life as i feel he is getting ruined because of me, but i fear he won’t tolerate.
    I just wish either he makes himself free of substance abuse or I stop worrying about him. But both not happening, and we both are living hellish life.
    Plz help me. I beg you.Btw, I saw a psychiatrist and he diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder. But I don’t know what to do and how to tackle my husband’s drug(zolpidem) and allcohol abuse.

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