This topic contains 17 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of Arjun Arjun 2 years, 4 months ago.

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  • #13831
    Profile photo of Roshni1
    Roshni1
    Participant

    Hi All

    I am Roshni newly wed 2 month back. Ours is arranged marraige and our marraige got fixed within 15 days in hurry…. We have never talked to each other before marraige. Now after being married for two months we do talk but only when in our bed room. He dont like to give me calls or sms in oiffice hrs like an normal couples do. He says he dont like.

    My Issues are

    1) I hv seen he everyday sent misscall in morning and before sleeping to one no( its of his collegues-Girl) if he dont like den y he gv misscalls?

    2) We have not gone for honeymoon he resumed duty on 8th n our marriage was on 4th…

    3)We both reside in diff states. I am now at my parents house for pag-phera since whole 1 week passed he has not called me .nor was he present to c/off me when i was coming to my parents house.Only 1 sms after 5 days of reaching abt confirming his dt when he is coming to take me back.. dat is after in oct’14.

    My fmly feels its alarming as till dt he has not got our marriage certificate nor our marriage snap album we had fight on dis issue 2-3 times …

    Pls guide me is der any thing fishy? should i beleive him blindly?

    pls community ppls help me as i m 34 n he is 38 i hv to tk decision pls do reply i m going through loads tention pls..

    #15541
    Profile photo of lindsey_sooze
    lindsey_sooze
    Participant

    Hi Roshini,

    Don’t behave childish. Just giving a miss-call or not sending you message does not mean that something is fishy. If this is so then rather then imaging things call him directly and clear your doubts that why you are not coming early etc..
    Just because marriage registration is not happened, does not mean that he is running from marriage.

    Be calm and increase your communication with your hubby.
    Build trust on him. I am not able to see any reason for cheating you.
    Request him to plan your honeymoon.
    Be happy!! Because you have to spend your precious life with him. So by love, care, affection, smile and keeping him happy you will make your life more blessed!!

    #15542
    Profile photo of Roshni1
    Roshni1
    Participant

    Thanks A lot Lindsey for your valuable guidance.. i do trust n want to trust him but my fmly are not believing him as he is not iat all social to any of my fmly member’s not even with my parents…i do trust him and want my marriage life to blossom like every girl dreams

    Pls do pray for every thing to be corrected at time.

    #15543
    Profile photo of lindsey_sooze
    lindsey_sooze
    Participant

    Hi Roshni,

    Thanks for your response. I definitely like to hear positive news from your side. Just small thing I want to say that don’t think too much. Open up with your husband and try to clear all the wrong thoughts which exist in your mind. As a husband this is his duty to clear all your thinking.

    So talk him and ask everything clearly. Don’t forget to respond to your friend back with your latest happenings. I will definitely want to hear positive news from your side.

    Good Luck :D

    #15544
    Profile photo of Roshni1
    Roshni1
    Participant

    Hi Lindsay…

    He has not yet called me just 1 sms he gv 3 days back abt dt when he is coming to pick me back to his house i.e in bet 4 oct.

    My CONCERN of worries are
    1) He never calls me nor when i m at his house nor now when i am away (another state) .
    2) I was ill he himself has shown me to doc just 1 day before i.e on 29/8/14 n in eveningg i ( with my papa n jijs) left his house for coming to my parental house n stayed at hotel. .i left frm his state on 30/8/14 in eveng whole day no communication he didnot responded my call or my sms. in Evng when my train was abt to depart i.e 8 30 he sms he is away frm station shall try to reach but didnot came to c/off me.
    3) He or his mom n sis never gv me call or to my fmly members.. nor dey pick my parents phone telling we are not habitual of much talking.
    4) Once my jijs visited his house der his sis told dat he is not happy dats y he is not taking leave n planning honeymoon we dont c future …( it was during when we had fight n were not in talking terms whole 1 week)

    now pls tell wht should i think? as i have asked him in fight once he has told me he is not happy but when after 1 week he was cool he said in fight i told. nothing is der like dis i hv leave issues .

    #15545
    Profile photo of lindsey_sooze
    lindsey_sooze
    Participant

    Hi Roshini,

    I also agree with your concern and these needs to be resolved. One things I observed about you.
    You are expecting too much with your husband. Every time you mentioned that he is not calling you. It may be possibility that he is really busy and not ignoring you.

    It is not clear to me that why you visited for long time in your home town. Is it really necessary, as per the custom? If no then you should go back to your in-laws.

    Start communication directly with your husband. I think you should not fought with your husband and stop talk with him. Anyway now when you go back, try to be very polite with each and every member in your laws. Try to be more loving and caring with your husband. Whether he talk with you or not. This way you will start getting place in your in-laws heart. Because early you started complaining with your husband and everybody in your in-laws know about it. So it may be that they have wrong impression about you.

    So by showing extra love and affection with your husband, extra respect to your in-laws you can win heart. You can discuss your thoughts and fear with your husband and express him that you are feeling because you love him too much.

    Regards

    #15551
    Profile photo of Roshni1
    Roshni1
    Participant

    I m not liking to share my whole personal story but i think unless i narrate whole stuffs no one can understand my worries. I am starting from start what n how i was treated and then pls let me know wht should i do.I am narrating you all incidents

    1) From my 2nd day of marraige i am doing Swipping and mopping of my upper house where we ( me n my hubby ) reside. whereas maid is there for down floor for same work but only lower floor is done by maid .

    2) I am not allowed to stay down unless i have to work like preparing food or doing pooja.or wash clothes .. other then this i have to go upstairs n be there as my sis-in-law and mother-in-law do some or other talks but not before me they feel its privacy hindrance.

    3) I am not allowed to go to temple.. its was my routine to visit temple everyday but its been banned. MY Kundly has some doshas and i am been told to visit temple saturday without fail .my sis-in-law is also told same thing but she n my hubby visits temple in evening on saturday w/o fail but i am not allowed.
    I recite katha on thurday but it is also restricted by saying there family pandit has told not to allow that pooja. so basically i cant go to any mandir but they can.

    4) My Mother-in-laew feels i use too much of water in washing clothes so i was made to wash my clothes in 1 bucket n she use to seat beside me and pouring water counting 1 bucket or two.

    5) I am not allowed to even stand in balcony and talk to anyone ..nor visit park just in front of my house reason given is – in our society its not good if a newly married bahu visit alone .

    6) i found my upper washroom locked when i returned from my sister house which was working perfectly ok (which is around 5 hrs away )where i was sent for 4 days but den after 14 days my hubby came to take me back after several reminders from my father and me (through sms as he use to nor call or recieve our calls) .Its now 2 months it is not repaired nor i know where d key is kept …so i dont know whether it is really having some problem or ……

    My hubby keeps mum when i ask i want to gog to temple and go alone….

    Now pls tell after all this incident and last where he hasnot come to even c/off me nor he called me nor picked my phone .

    pls specify am i thinking wrong or right?

    #15554
    Profile photo of Roshni1
    Roshni1
    Participant

    pls i need guidance

    #15556
    Profile photo of lindsey_sooze
    lindsey_sooze
    Participant

    I will get back to you…Please give some time.

    #15559
    Profile photo of lindsey_sooze
    lindsey_sooze
    Participant

    Hi Roshini,

    The incident which you have mentioned is little bit strange. I am not able to understand why these people are doing this with you? Is there any other reason? Why they are behaving indifferent with you?

    What I think is that initially as you are new in that family so you need to be little cautious with you behavior. Try to make yourself adjustable with them.
    I have observed that old people are hungry of honor and praise. If you start saying that “yes mother you are absolutely right” then she will be happy. Praise her time to time like “your experience is very valuable for me”. If she is saying that you are wasting too much of water then agree with her. Say her that “I am trying to learn that. Please guide me to work efficiently”.
    When you do this your mother in law will start thinking that you are accepting her knowledge. Which will feel her good. As time will pass she will become relaxed with you. I have practically seen this. One of my khadoos aunty has been handled same way by her daughter-in-law.

    Your sister-in-law is not a problem for you. One day she will have to leave her home..So don’t take tension for her.But as your husband is only listening to them and not applying his mind so right now don’t go against her. You can take revenge with her later :) (just joking)

    I think in a new family to adjust you should swing in the direction of water . Don’t try to point out wrong thing. Because this will create unnecessary wrong impression about you. Try to follow their instructions for sometime. Later you will feel that these people will start accepting you. Then you can put your points also.

    Try this and see the results. But one important thing. Don’t loose your heart. Every problem comes up with a solution.

    #15562
    Profile photo of Roshni1
    Roshni1
    Participant

    Hi Lindsay

    I myself and my whole family is confused about each members behavior.( in-laws).They are all very secretive dont share with me about there fmly.

    Family is not at all of mixing nature they dont have cordial relation with my father-in-law thats why even he is living far away alone. None of from father-in-law had attended marraige.

    I dont know where my life is heading.. no way i am able to take decision .

    #15563
    Profile photo of lindsey_sooze
    lindsey_sooze
    Participant

    Don’t loose heart. Everything will be all right. Try your level best.

    #15566
    Profile photo of Roshni1
    Roshni1
    Participant

    he call me only on sundays ….n dis sunday he did not call nor he picked my phone. he sent sms wch are forwarded not own written.. how do i stay calm? its my 2nd month of marraige going n dis is d way he is behaving what future i have?

    i feel he already gets what he want from some1 else dats y i dont matter n nor my absence disturbs him .what i do

    #15568
    Profile photo of lindsey_sooze
    lindsey_sooze
    Participant

    See Roshni, if you are feeling like that then you should go along with your parents to your husband place immediately. Poojas are less important. After visit there talk directly with your husband. Clearly and strongly. It is important to know what is going in his mind. You are his wife not anyone which he can ignore. It is his moral responsibility for you.

    Still I suggest don’t reach to any conclusion and talk with your husband openly. But don’t be too harsh.
    You said he is getting what he wants from someone. Can you please explain me what is that? Is he told you sometime about that? Do you know somebody is in life?

    Waiting for your reply.

    #15579
    Profile photo of Roshni1
    Roshni1
    Participant

    1) When a person dont gives u call nor pick ur phone n we are miles away how do we talk? Nor does he or my sis-in-law or mother-in-law pick our call nor give us call how do we communicate?

    2) As he did not bother to c-off me my family n me too feel that unless he visit my home and take me back i should not go to his place. We are waiting as he has given us his tentative dt for coming but we all have doubt about he coming or not…

    Its two weeks no phone from him. its 1 month where since last two weeks no call. He use to call me only on sunday n der never talked more den 2 minutes.

    specially thanks to lindsay as u have been guiding me whereever possivle n guide me further also .but i request also to Hope community owner n phsycatrists pls guide me in my case. i am in depression.

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