This topic contains 13 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  lindsey_sooze 3 years, 2 months ago.

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  • #13780

    rheacool
    Participant

    i am 24 year old girl. I recently broke up wit my boyfriend.He dumped me.It was a long distance relationship.Because of misunderstanding this happened. I follow the no contact rule now hoping he will come back to me.itz been just 20 days we broke up.But in order to forget him I am getting attached to one of my friend. i feel good and comfortable when i talk with him. We were good friends..but recently he is hugging me and becoming close to me more and more.He doesn’t know about my past relationship. Since I am in a depressive mood I feel good when i am with him. But I don’t need to run into another relationship now.But I need his presence. I think if I am with him I can forget my ex. But really I don’t want to cheat him later. and I don’t wish to enter into a relationship with him.
    what will I do now/??? Please help me.

    #15497

    lindsey_sooze
    Participant

    First of all why this misundestanding happened. Is it too serious that he has dumped you? Have you tried to resolve this issue? I am asking this because I don’t know the actual reason and severty of misunderstanding. In a relationship this happened sometime. If your boyfriend is not contacting you then you should take initiative. Talk to him and solve all misunderstanding. Later on you will have satisfaction that you have tried your level best.

    Second thing is that you should not take any step in hurry. Your new friend behaviour seems suspitious to me. When we are in pain and looking for someone then we come close to any person easily and without thinking and got cheated. If he is your friend and well wisher then he should not be physical with you. Avoid that as of now. He may move further and try to do something more with you. So beware with this. I have seen lot many boys who become more caring and loving initially. Later after making physical relation they start ignoring. If this happen with you then you will feel much more guilty later, which will more painfull for you.

    First try to solve your problem with your old friend. If possible. But you should give a try.
    If he still ignore you than wait for sometime then move further. Use your brain also in new relationship and avoid cheating risk. If later own you agree to proceed further with this friend then clear all the things.

    Be happy. Life is very precious live every moment. Search happyness and spread happyness. ;)

    #15499

    rheacool
    Participant

    hii dear,
    Thanks for the reply. I will tell u my whole story.I just summarized before.Please read this and help me.
    I broke up with my boyfriend 20 days back.We both are working. He was actually my best friend for the last 7 years. We were into a relationship only around 6 months back. We were serious in our relation and took a decision when we found ourselves matured enough for a commitment.He told that he will come and ask my parents and will marry me. He was sincere in this relation and he loved and cared me a lot.We both are of same age and he said he need around 2 years s o that he gets well settled by that time. Actually ours was along distance relationship on the starting itself.He is abroad and I am in my home country. So our communication was less comparing to normal relationships, yet we found time for ourselves.But it was not a matter since we know each other for a long time.
    I had another relation in my college and my bf is well aware of it since he was my good friend from that time. But my ex-bf dumped me when our academic life got over. I was very depressed that time.
    Only after 2 years I entered into another relation. When I entered into a new relation my bf that he does not care about my past and he totally loves me.Things were going smooth apart from the fact that we both miss each other since its a long distance relation.
    My bf told his mother about me.She liked me very much and agreed to our relation. But my bf always had a fear whether his parents will come to know about my past relation in college and would not agree to our marriage.As we had a lot of mutual friends there are many chances of them knowing it.So he was like he need to tell this to his parents.He once told me he does not want to make me wait for him and if his parents didn’t agree that time,then it will be like wasting my good time for him.Thats why he always wanted to tell his mother regarding this.

    Later when I moved to a new job our communication gap increased and fights started among us.Since its a long distance relation we are not able to communicate well and solve our problems.It grew day by day.I know I am the one who is starting the fight,but my anger is only for sometime and I don’t have any problem with him. One sudden day he blasted at me saying because of these fights it is not going to work out a relation between us and he was like stopping it.
    But I was not at all ready for break up because I loved him that much.I begged at him. We both know it is just because of misunderstanding only and of the long distance between us. We were like to give another try.But I had a feeling inside me that it is just because I pleaded him he is back for the relation. May be because I was looking on that view point I had a feeling that he is keeping a distance from me. But to me, i really lacked the affection i used to get from him. When I told him this,he was like it is because he has double work in office and of the long distance relation. We continued the relation.But I was not at all happy. I felt his love only in bed. I was not comfortable with this. But he said he loves me and it is because he is busy he is not messaging me.
    Since I am not comfortable to move on like this I told him if he is not really interested no need to continue this relation just for me. He said it is good for our future if we stop this as this is not working between us. I just told him I hate myself now.
    Since then I didn’t contact him. I really love him and need him back. I miss him like anything. But later I came to know that he said like that to me but the real reason is that, he told his mother about my past relation and she is not agreeing to it.For that only he found some other reason and told me so. I miss him.I came to know that he is asking about me to my friends. Now I follow the no contact rule hoping that he will come back to me. I love him and need him back.Will that work out??
    Meanwhile one of my friend is showing more affection and care for me. He doesn’t know about my relationship.I feel comfortable talking to him, but I don’t want to run into another relation. I talk to him because I feel good or else I will keep thinking about my ex and get worried.We are not having any physical contact but I doubt whether this will turn into another relation which I don’t want. I don’t wish to cheat him also because I know the real pain if someone whom we love leaves us.What will I do..plz help me.

    #15500

    lindsey_sooze
    Participant

    Hi Rhea,

    I understand your problem.

    First of all think about this. Having a bf or gf a crime? Have you done any mistake in past? I am not able to understand this thinking of your friends mother. How a person can let another person go just because she has a bf? So don’t think like that. If he is interested in you then definately he will resist in front of his mother. So stop thinking from your heart. He is not innocent. Reason of leaving you must be different. Why you begged him for maintaining relation? You have your own personality and you are not less then any person. So maintain your self respect. If a person not able to give respect to your feelings it means he does not deserve it.

    On the other hand you already have two bad experiences. So please don’t be hurry in making new friend. In your age this happened. As a third person I can realise that your new friend is taking advantage of your sad feelings. As he become more caring with you. Most of the boy(not all) like to have a girlfriend. But when time come for commitment then they run away.

    Believe me as time passes you will feel good and these negative and sad feelings will go. Why you need any friend. Give sometime to your self. Develop any hobby and enjoy your life in full. Because as your life proceed further lot many responsibility will come to your sholders. You have to maintain too many relationships. So don’t take unnecessary stress and enjoy your precious life.

    Let me know your thoughs on this.

    #15501

    rheacool
    Participant

    Hii dear,
    I didn’t do any mistake.But me and my first bf made a fake agreement saying we live together. I am pure and good enough to live with a man though I had a previous relation.
    Regarding this relation, It is not like I begged before him..I was the one who asked him that we will give another try in our relation.
    Though we are not in contact But I have a feeling that he is sincere and will come back to me.He loves me very much.I know it well. I don’t know..may be I am wrong.But I need to marry a person who knows all my past.I don’t want to hide anything from my husband in future.

    My present friend and myself doesn’t wish to enter into a commitment presently. I feel good when I talk to him.So why should I stop it?? and I find this is the way that I will stop thinking of my bf and get worried also. I am happy when I talk to him.Should I really stop talking to him? But I am sure he is not taking advantage of my situation because he doesn’t have any clue of my present situation.

    #15502

    lindsey_sooze
    Participant

    My question was for your old bf and his mother. If a girl has not done anything wrong then just having a bf in past is not a mature reason of leaving a girl. This is wrong mentality. Will his mother allow him to marry any other woman? As per this logic he should also not involve with any other woman in future, because he had a gf in his past.

    I think u should stop thinking about ur first bf. I m not sure about his feelings but he is not serious for u. Otherwise he should not do like this.
    You r wasting ur time for that man.

    My opinion about your second friend is based on my past experiences. I am not saying that he is taking benefit of you. I have also not told you to stop talking with him. Just told u not to involve emotionally with him. Rest all is up to you as u are mature enough.

    Let me know your plan of action :D

    #15504

    rheacool
    Participant

    Hii Lindsey,
    What you told is right.I cannot move on with my new friend after a limit. As he is getting more close with me, I feel awkward and strange.I have decided to keep him at a limit. But I am still having memories of my boyfriend.I am not able to get over him. I have a feeling that he loves me and will come back to me. Now he is not ready for a marriage as he told before itself. Do u think fighting with his mother now for me will work will as he is not yet settled in his life? So what I think is he doesn’t want me to wait for him now and hurt me later. After all is it good to have a relationship if our is parents is against it?His mother is reacting as if he is going to marry a girl who is having second marriage. I don’t know Lindsey.I need him back. Please help me.

    #15508

    lindsey_sooze
    Participant

    I can understand your feelings. I have also gone through with this kind of feelings. When you love someone then you can not think your life without him or her. But another person having the same feelings for you is not sure. When you realize this truth then it is very difficult to accept this.
    In your case I feel that your boy friend has not that much feelings as you. If this is so then he will not take the step to leave you. He is not going to fight with his parents for you. And you should also not involve in any relation which has foundation of anger of parents.

    Reading above lines are painful. I know but currently you are thinking from your heart not from your mind.How you believe a person who leave you just for wrong thinking. He knows you, your character, your personality then why he is not able to convince his mother? In this case basic thinking is wrong. Think what will happen if his mother will not accept you after marriage? Then you have to struggle a lot.

    Believe me, as time passes your sad thinking and memories with this boy will fade. I have experienced this.

    I was in Delhi, I loved a girl of my neighbor. She also liked me. We have spent too much time. Later on one fine day she got another rich boy. Suddenly she stopped talking me. I have seen her that she went with that boy in night. I talked her but she flatly told me that she is not interested in me. One plain sentence. I know that she is not good, still I was not able to stop thinking about her. I spent too many sleepless night. Wept a lot, but later I decided that I will not involve with her. As time passed I came out with this sadness. After 1 year she called me I repeat the same sentence to her which she told me.

    Now I came forward with this situation. So believe me you will also. Think from your mind not from your heart. In any case I am with you to help.

    #15509

    rheacool
    Participant

    hii dear,
    what should I do to come out of this situation.Please tell me. There is not a single day that I am not thinking of him. I get reminded of him often. i don’t know.what will I do???

    #15510

    lindsey_sooze
    Participant
    rheacool wrote:
    hii dear,
    what should I do to come out of this situation.Please tell me. There is not a single day that I am not thinking of him. I get reminded of him often. i don’t know.what will I do???

    Hi,
    You have to feel the pain for sometime. R u working or studying? You can try following
    1) If you are working that concentrate on your work.
    2) Start developing any hobby like reading, singing, dancing etc.
    3) Spend time with your family.
    4) Be spiritual and do some meditation.
    5) Try to make yourself busy. Whenever you are free then only your mind will start thinking about that friend. So keep yourself busy.

    I know that above mentioned points just help you a bit. As time passes you will start realizing that you are overcoming this situation. So dear don’t loose your heart. Everything will be all right. Be happy!!

    Regards

    #15517

    rheacool
    Participant

    hii dear,
    My bf messaged me.He said he is sorry for what he has done.He says he cannot live without me.What should I do? Is this just temporary???
    I feel like replying replying him but I don’t want to get hurt any more.

    #15518

    lindsey_sooze
    Participant

    Hello dear,

    He is asking sorry for what? For his mother’s attitude and thinking? Or all the wrong which he has done. What I feel that he has some other gf which has left him now. Since now he is empty handed so he messaged you.

    Yes, as per his past behavior he may change his color. So beware of him. If you become weak now and reply him then again you have to go through all the pain. So as a friend I suggest you that ignore him. I know this pain is very bad. So please don’t involve again.

    Regards
    Your caring friend.

    #15519

    rheacool
    Participant

    ok dearr

    #15520

    lindsey_sooze
    Participant
    rheacool wrote:
    ok dearr

    Let me know further hapenning….

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