This topic contains 7 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  varshasingh06 3 years, 2 months ago.

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  • #13747

    bzone4u
    Participant

    I married for more than a year now. We have seen good and bad days.
    I am a very light drinker. I drink a beer every weekend or so. I dont usually drink more than one beer or 2 -3 small pegs. However, my wife does not like it. I had told her before marriage that I drink but not too much. But every time I think about having a beer she says no. If I drink outside and reach home, we always have an argument. I tried to convince her that the amount of alcohol I consume is not harmful but helps in relaxing after a weeks heavy work. We always end up having an argument. I tried to talk to her many times. Sometimes she is ok with it but mostly she doesnt. This is affecting our marriage life heavily.
    I am not sure If it is my fault or hers. I want to solve this problem. I even thought of quitting drinking but looking at my intake I dont think I am addictive or I drink in excess.

    How can I make her understand.

    please put in your thoughts and advises.

    Thanks,

    #15454

    varshasingh06
    Participant

    Hey
    The best thing is that you are seeking help that means you want to make your relation flawless. My husband too takes 2 beer once a week. I don’t want him to drink as I feel it would turn into addiction but we don’t argue. Reason is when we once discussed this issue, we came to concluded that if he woul start drinking on weekdays or without any especial occasion he wud immediately quit. That means he would only drink once a week or other than that if there is some especial occasion. We both agreed. See you didn’t mention why your wife don’t want you to drink…
    Try to convenience her wid this point that if she would find out that you drink on weekdays, you would quit. You can also ask her to join you with some mocktail and spend some quality time together. Also tell her that you don’t find drinking as a macho symbol or to show off. .. you only drink to relax. Also if u have any common friend, ask them to discuss with her. Sometimes third person’s percepective is more helpful. Hope she would understand. If nothing works, tell her you will drink only when she would permit. Tell her that for you her happiness is more important and then don’t drink for few weeks. Let her belive wat u said.. and if she doesn’t raise the topic like asking you to drink till third week…. you ask her thn that you didn’t drink for her happiness, now she shud understand how important she is and now she shud also start being broad minded and allow you to drink that too on weekends..
    Hope this would help you.. let me know how it work.. [email protected]

    #15458

    bzone4u
    Participant
    varshasingh06 wrote:
    Hey
    The best thing is that you are seeking help that means you want to make your relation flawless. My husband too takes 2 beer once a week. I don’t want him to drink as I feel it would turn into addiction but we don’t argue. Reason is when we once discussed this issue, we came to concluded that if he woul start drinking on weekdays or without any especial occasion he wud immediately quit. That means he would only drink once a week or other than that if there is some especial occasion. We both agreed. See you didn’t mention why your wife don’t want you to drink…
    Try to convenience her wid this point that if she would find out that you drink on weekdays, you would quit. You can also ask her to join you with some mocktail and spend some quality time together. Also tell her that you don’t find drinking as a macho symbol or to show off. .. you only drink to relax. Also if u have any common friend, ask them to discuss with her. Sometimes third person’s percepective is more helpful. Hope she would understand. If nothing works, tell her you will drink only when she would permit. Tell her that for you her happiness is more important and then don’t drink for few weeks. Let her belive wat u said.. and if she doesn’t raise the topic like asking you to drink till third week…. you ask her thn that you didn’t drink for her happiness, now she shud understand how important she is and now she shud also start being broad minded and allow you to drink that too on weekends..
    Hope this would help you.. let me know how it work.. [email protected]

    Thanks varshasingh06, for your comments. I really appreciate it.

    I did try to convince her many a times. told her all those things you have pointed out however, she is not ready to listen to any of that. She just wants me to stop. I did not drink for a month and she still doesnt allow me to have a beer. I did try to pint out few friend couples and how their wives allow them to have a drink but she doesnt listen to any of it.
    The reason for not allowing she says is that it is bad for health in long term. I did show her many articles on google about a beer a week is not bad for health but no use. I am clueless. I even told her that this is the only thing that is causing hassels in our marriage and if we come to a concensous everything would be allright but she is ready to argue everytime rather than allowing me to drink. Now I am not sure how to make her understand or if at all she wants to understand……

    #15459

    varshasingh06
    Participant

    Hey hi again
    Sorry I laughed reading ur reply… man you have two options – either quit drinking or drink without her knowledge. Ha ha I am not understanding her real problem at all. I guess i only guess that your drinking has become her ego issue and so she is not understanding. Or may be she has some other problem with you and she is dressing it under this issue. Come on its not wrong, you are not wrong.. so just hide it from her aas much as possible. If you will forcefully quit it, you will always have a suppressed desire. By the way if it would be ur girlfriend’s request and not wife’s wish then wat would be ur decision like. .. anyway just keep drinking untill u want to quit nd hide it. Also please ask ur wife to do something for you same as she is asking, like stop having friends, fb or watsapp. . Or anything. . Let her know what a force decision is..
    And don’t bother much.. have a chill pill or chilled beer and enjoy..

    #15460

    bzone4u
    Participant

    Hi,

    Frankly, If it would have been my girlfriend I would have done the same thing to try and make her understand. But I really think most of other women would understand. Looks like My wife is different.
    Ego.. maybe. But I am out of options now. And hiding it from her is not a good option because I hardly get any time alone, we stay together so if I drink there is high probability that she would know.

    I think I would try and keep doing it untill she understands and drink without her knowledge whenever possible ;).

    Does your husband still drinks on weekends. What made you understand his needs and desicion?

    Thanks,

    #15461

    varshasingh06
    Participant

    Hi

    Yup he drinks on weekends at home 2 beer max. And that too when I cook non veg for him. He doesn’t drink wen he is suppose to drive and he doesn’t over drink. So that is win win situation for both of us. We only discussed and luckily ended on a mutual note. I don’t know what made me understand. Actually I was never against him drinking, I only wanted him to drink occasionally nd little. So he got agreed. Though we are still struggling with smoking issue. He started smoking just a year back with once or twice a month and now it is weekly and I doubt may be daily wen he is at work. We don’t fight on this but I know someday I will make him quit smoking. I am against smoking totally. I really don’t know wat is ur wife’s problem. She is not behaving sensible on this issue. I an my husband, we fight a lot and we are not happy go lucky couple but no issue is related to anyone’s likes or dislikes. Sorry couldn’t be of any help to you :(

    #15463

    bzone4u
    Participant

    you have been more then helpful.. thanks.
    I used to smoke, rarely but I used too. My wife used to argue on that also. But smoking wasnt as important I was not addicted so I stopped completely. Its been 3 months that I quit smoking.. really a bad thing to adapt as a habbit. i wish your husband quits too.

    Coming back to my issue, I know for sure that whenever I would feel like drinking and if I tell her she would not agree and start arguing. but i would take my chances. I dont want parents to be involved as it will mess things further and I wont like it.

    Lets see what happens.

    Thanks for all your help. Let me know if I can be a help to you.
    [email protected]

    #15467

    varshasingh06
    Participant

    Hey hi

    What shoul.i say.. your problem didn’t find a good solution. Hope it will get resolve. Good luck for that… oh its weekend again.. poor you..
    I guess you shud made up ur mind to quit alcohol. . Do it happily and willingly. See you were not drinking from day one of ur life.. so take urself back to the time wen you were not into drinking thing and still were happy.. and yes if as you mentioned that you drink just to relax whole week’s tension.. thn why don’t start mediating everyay for 10-15 mins. It is so very helpful and you really feel good about everything around and ur own self too. Need help wid dat… may be u won’t desire to drink anymore.
    Another solution is make a good friend or polish the friendship with any existing friend. There are many things in life which we can’t discuss wid our better half and it creates burden inside… so we cling on to drinking smoking bor any such thing which makes us forget everything for sometime. But if we have a good friend to discuss everything in life without hesitation thn we don’t need any other supplements. . Try any of these two.. hope it wud help…

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