January 23, 2016 at 2:23 am #19003
hi, i am girl and my age is 22. My problem started 6 years ago.I was a brilliant student but i had passed my High school in lot of tension and pressure and i did not had any friends neither i was close with my parents with whom i could share my thoughts. i used to cry many times alone but that was not frequently but yes i had trouble in sleeping. Then started a phase when i started facing health issues, this effected my studies and i was all alone in this face.I never faced problem in communication infact i am quite talkative but yes i can talk on other stuff very easily but not about my emotions and my thought.I started saying not to give my board exams. I started fearing going in-front of my teachers, i stopped going school, i stopped appearing in exam and little bit contact which i had with my friends i had broken that too. I started crying daily sometimes even 3 or more time in day and even more but no hint to anyone what i am going through emotionally. That fear of getting failed in board after being a city topper in high school, guilt of not giving my 100%, anger due to helplessness all these were drowning me in negativity, i even started thinking about suicide and i even tried many times but yes no hint to anyone about all this. Then somehow my parents and teachers convinced me to give board exams and i had appeared for boards. But up till this time i started feeling sad all the time, a kind of emptiness i felt as if surrounding me. Then many things happened which only worsened my conditions except few good things i met a guy who made me comfortable so that i could share my emotional side..few friends but with them i shared to only certain extent. But in all these year i never been able to get rid of these sadness, emptiness and troubled sleeping, no matter how much i tried at my level i never succeeded. I usually fake my feelings, for the world i am a talkative happy girl but i know from inside i am facing a struggle from all this years. i do not remember a day when i had slept peacefully in all these years or when i had not cried. And all this things has already done lot of damage in my life….i lost many things, many opportunities,,,,more importantly my happiness…my inner peace. All things are creating hindrance in my daily life…i still have troubled in sleeping and feeling of sadness and emptiness.I feel inferior all the time, i do not feel confident and i feel over conscious about every little thing. I am sharing this here today because now i am fed up of this attitude i am not able to achieve my goals….i am not able understand whether i have wrong perception towards life or is this any kind of problem, i am not able to understand what should i do. Many times i feel like i am entrapped in box and the size of that box is increasing and my size is decreasing….and many times i wish i could free myself and run in vast field happily…laughing and singing,,,freely and relaxed,,,i wish!!March 9, 2016 at 9:54 am #19328
I can understand your feelings. I am a single son of my parents and have very limited friends, i was given a lone room to stay since i was 5 years old..so i can very well understand the emptiness.
In your post i can understand the issue you having, but, just to speak out your mind, it will be really great if you can share the thoughts that go through your mind when you feel like crying or when the sadness begins to engulf you. It may help you and me to understand the reason behind the feelings that ooze out in you.
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