September 17, 2013 at 5:59 am #13462
We are three sisters. My mom was in teaching profession for 34 years of her life. My father expired 11 years back. My mom and my elder sister are strong ladies( not physically but mentally). After my father’s death I was completely shattered but they both stood beside me and I could cope up with the trauma. My mother ensured that all of us are well equalified. We all three sisters are well placed now in MNCs.My elder sister has decided not to marry and she is single. Mine was the first marriage in our house and my husband was considered as a SON and not a son-in-law by my mom. Me and my husband went to London after marriage. But my husband turned out to be a monster. I was mentally, physically, emotionally and monetarily abused by my husband for 4 long years. After abusing me physically, he would apologize and I would forgive him and then the next day he was same. He made me transfer all my salary in his account saying that he managed the funds better than me.After 4 years I gathered the courage to inform my family. They tried to counsel my husband initially but he time and again said that he married a professionally qualified girl so that she could earn and that he is not there to raise me.Finally, I decided to get separated and I filled for divorce. All court proceedings and police station visits were killing me from inside. It was my mother of 65 years and my elder sister who supported me. Whenever I was shattered, they helped me gather all my courage. I could not bear court proceedings and finally decided to go for mutual divorce. My entire family stood beside me in this decision. First motion of divorce has already passed. Now my mother accompanies me everywhere. She is all protective about my meals, my health. I am grateful to God to be blessed my a mother like her and an elder sister like mine is the biggest gift one can get. I know these are people who love me unconditionally and will stand with me in my times of need.
But I feel unsecured, UNSECURED by myself. My mom and my husband both call me immature. My husband took all decisions for me calling me a kid. For contributions and monthly expenses I was a grown up for him but for decision making, I was a three year old.
My mother now goes with me to all places, be it banks, post office, everywhere and ensures that I am doing things properly. There was an instance in which I had to get a government paper whose value was actually just Rs.250/- and when an agent approached me and ensured to get it done quickly for an amount of Rs. 1000/- I readily agreed. My mother then intervened and inquired and found that the same work could be done for Rs.250/- only and would not take much time.
The point here is that my mother will not be there for me always and I don’t want to fall in another trap. I feel insecure when she is not around. But I have to deal with my insecurities on my own. Some decision which I still take, she says that are very immature and that I should not readily believe in anyone. I have always taken people for their face value and have been deceived.
And so my mother is always on high alert when going with me and takes charge of all situations.
For a person like me who has an attitude of looking for support is very relaxed at that time but what when she is not around. I want that I should take charge and make my own decisions and not let anyone else decide for me. I am already 33 years old.I know I have made several poor decisions in the past and have suffered tremendously. But I really crave for a friend in my mother rather than a strict teacher. I feel very lonely and depressed.
Please help me.
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