August 12, 2012 at 5:35 pm #13201
We’ve had a very interesting situation brought to our notice by one of our community members. Its something a lot of youngsters experience in their homes. We’d love it if any of you can share their experiences with her and anything you’ve tried at your home that can help her.
“I am a 21 yr old girl….a regular college going student, who would like to have her own share of fun sometimes..The problem that I’m facing is, that my parents are very protective…My friends are planning to go on a trip to Goa after our final exams….The problem is my parents wouldn’t hear of it! they can’t take it! They always quote these innocent people getting caught in rave parties…its like the moment I go somewhere with my friends something bad is bound to happen! I’m irritated with this mentality of theirs! they take me to many places for holidays, for which I am grateful…But sometimes I want to have fun with friends….but they wouldn’t hear of it! I am still living in the protective shell of my parents…I want to make my decisions sometimes, and would like them to support me…This protective nature of theirs has made me a sensitive person..I don’t like blaming them for this..but this is the truth, no doubt….All this is frustrating…How the hell do I change their mindset…Its been like this all along…..They have been brought up like this since childhood, and they expect me to be like them….How could that possibly be! Our generation gap is such that, that is impossible! I’ve tried convincing them calmly many a times, but my mum just ends up emotionally blackmailing me..how do I deal with this, without hurting them???”August 12, 2012 at 5:45 pm #15056
I completely understand what you’re going through and at the same time I also understand what your parents are feeling. In this day and age when cases of molestation and all kinds of atrocities on girls are prevalent, its natural for parents to try and shield their daughters from any harm. But, at the same time, you’re not supposed to live your life locked up in the house forever. And I’m impressed by the fact that you’ve been respecting their wishes and not rebelling. Kudos to you!
You say you’ve calmly tried to explain your position to them but you end up being emotionally blackmailed. How about you try something we call the “worst case scenario technique”? Sit down with them and ask them what’s the worst thing they are afraid of, that would happen if you had a little freedom. Once they share their thoughts, try and brainstorm with them about the possible safeguards against their fear like a phone call every hour to let them know you’re safe, or maybe an app like Google Latitude that lets them see where you are at any moment, contact numbers of the friends you’re going out with etc. Once they see that there are lot of ways they can let you have your fun and freedom and still keep a watch on you, they might relent after a while. Give it a shot and let us know what happens! We’ll be waiting eagerly to hear from you!August 12, 2012 at 6:07 pm #15057
hey thnx so much for the quick reply Prachi! Yes I will try to convince them this way….lets see what happens…but another major problem is, that my relatives, mainly my nani and my uncles and aunts (who are also old school, overprotective) tend to always interfere and put down their feet when such a situation arises, and my parents also tend to get influenced by them…how do I deal with this interference! My mum would never want to go against my nani….and so this vicious circle is set up and things just worsen….
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