please help me

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    i am a muslim girl of 18 yrs.. i belong to a very orthodox family..wer as i am a complete out going person who wants to make somethin of herself..
    i don like sitting at home.. my best frnds r boys.. but all these things r a crime.. my family xpects me to get engaged by my second yr of UG.. another twist is that i hav a bf.. n i love him .i realy do.. n i knw how much i mean to himtoo.. but he is a chritian..we r col mates.
    my mother is started to come to know about all this.. cause the teachers in col informed her of us coming n leaving col togerther.. and also tat wen my parents wer home he used 2 come over for hrs. this was told by my watchman..
    i was aware of all d concequences wen i feel in love..
    but the thiings tats really hurting me is that ..i don belong in wid my family.. i dont love them, thy have never appreciated me in my whole life.. my father on my face tells me that i am a dsgrace, n he feels ashamed wen he sees me.. i was never encouraged in sports or culturals.. i was neva gr8 in studies either..
    frm my 10th grade ie been jumpin into relationships , cause i needed someone 2 encourage me. to help me regain my self confidence.. casue i feel very lonely here.. at my place. i feel like i gt no one.. a few months bak i even attempted suicide.. n wid evrythin going onat home ryt nw i feel sucidal again..
    i don ahve tat many friends. hell i don even have a bestfrnd..cause all my skl frnds gt pushed away afta i gt caught at home fr hvng a bf.. n mom made a huge issue. n eventualy all my frnds lost touch.. i am a comlete loner.. n its started to get d best of me..
    i am even considering running away frm home..but i dono hw possible it is widout a degree.. but at this rate wid things at home i don think ill even get a change to complete my degree..
    i really dono wat to do.. i don wana stay here anymore..cause no one uderstand me n my feelins.. i wanna life my life, i gt only one..!
    pls help me here.. pls..!

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