March 12, 2015 at 7:13 am #14960
First and foremost, my friend is aged 25 now and has a single mother and his father got separated around 14 years back due to his alcohol addiction and the tortures he used to give to his mother. Ever since then, both Mother and Son have lived together looking after her (Mother) business and he has studied MBA and recently got into job.
So, two years ago he started loving a girl who was also studying MBA then. Both are of same caste. He introduced her to his mother as a friend while her parents know that they both love each other and wants to get married too.
It’s been nearly 1 year and odd since his mother and his lover became friends. She started visiting his home very often and also started taking his mother out whenever he was out of station.
His lover also started helping his mom in every aspect. Even mom was making mind for the marriage and all indirectly without telling anything to anyone.
His mother also got his lover’s horoscope and everything indirectly.
Suddenly, his mother came to know somehow that his lover is having kuja dosha (manglik) and since then she started telling that she can’t marry you as she has kuja dosha and all.
Also, need to mention that his lover is a chubby girl.
So, his mother also started telling that she is fat and all and not to marry her at all.
Yet, both these lovers kept on trying hard with intentions to get her approval happily for the marriage.
With this being said, his mother was kind of sad always that she is alone inspite of having her son with her. I still remember my friend’s mom telling him that she wants to get married to a person as her son can’t be with her for the rest of the life.
In-fact, to be precise, her son (my friend), actually loves his mom a lot. He always keeps telling me that he will take care of her forever and also luckily, his lover too tells the same that she will take care of her.
But, his mother keeps telling that she doesn’t want to a burden to her son and she wants to get married again.
So, my friend has searched for a person so that she can get remarried. They both (friend’s mom and another person) have liked each other and the marriage will be held very soon. Even my friend’s lover started supporting my friend telling that okay, if your mother is happy then we are happy.
So, now, recently, both these lovers (my friend and his lovers) have got jobs in Bangalore and then my friend’s mother only gave the idea that all 3 shall stay together in a house in Bangalore until her marriage with her fiancee.
So, according to the idea, all three got shifted and now his mother is crying and slapping herself telling that I have become a burden for you both and everything as such. Actually, they both haven’t told anything to her and instead they both are sad that his mother is acting like this.
Also, his mother always shouts and talks too loudly crying. She never sits to discuss anything in calm state of mind with my friend.
She is not having food properly. She tells that I don’t want to eat the food for which you have brought groceries and all.
She is infact all set to go back to their hometown. She is telling that my son died long back for me and your mom died long for you. Don’t call me mother and every such stuff.
So, they both (my friend and his lover) asked what is happening and why she is acting like this. But, she is telling that be friends. don’t love each other. I am important to you. This girl is stealing you from me and all such stuffs she is telling.
Also, my friend’s lover brought some vessels and pillow covers to this new home from her side while coming so that it would help them cook easily and help them stay in this new house easily. So, my friend’s mom is telling that she is conquering the house and all!
And hearing this his lover is crying that she never meant to steal my friend from his mother. She loves both my friend and his mother.
Actually, this is not new thing that my friend’s mother is acting like this, i.e., becoming burden and all. Instead she has told these words many times to him right from when he got in college and when she came to know that he will go and join a company.
My friend also has planning of pursuing higher studies abroad but his mother is telling that he is leaving her and going to abroad so that better she kill herself. She curses my friend daily that he is the worst son ever had.
But, infact, my friend has been with her almost every second and stood by his mom in every decision. He has always loved his mother a lot.
Infact, he keeps telling me that my mom is one eye and my lover is the other eye. He wants both of them.
How to handle the situation? I am totally confused as to how to handle this situation for my friend, his lover and his mother.
Please reply back to me and let us try to solve this situation.
Also, to add more, my friend’s mom is a family counselor herself.
Also, she raises voices and bangs her head and everything! I am really not understanding how to help my friend handle this situation.
Please revert back to me.
Please.March 12, 2015 at 11:33 am #15868
I’m sorry to say this brother i didn’t get the problem properly..March 12, 2015 at 12:01 pm #15869
Its toooooo complicated right? Don’t know how to explain it in more clarity!March 12, 2015 at 4:01 pm #15871
hi writer rishi
its nyc to see tat u r so concerned fr ur frnd.coming to d point we all have to accept this part in lyf tat a boys mother gets more possessive when she gets to know tat he is “in love”. she always has this sense tat “ladki mere bete ko cheen legi”.its a common mindset and vry difficult to chng. saying u my case i had a 6 yrs of relationshp wd one of my neighbours when his mom got to know about this she was very critical about me..starting from head to toe. she commented on me being flabby,being short and using very bad words fr my body parts. but i nvr tuk them to heart untill the breakup.yes the guy left me coz his mom dint find me attractive.from this i hv learnt tat “ur mom in law wont lyk u much and u hv to accept it and move on”. may be ur frnds mom is doing all this because she has got to know about tat manglik part. so one thing can be done wch can satisfy her logic. go to some jyotish,there are many vidhis done to nullify manglik dosh in kundali. go for it. this just to satisfy her logic. nothing else. and i cudnt get it clear if she is engaged to tat new person or it isnt materialised yet?? it wud be really gud if she marries because of 2 reasons:1. she will b busy in her new lyf 2. she will interfere less because of being preoccupied in her new lyf. so its better to convince her to get married if she has changed her mind.
and ask ur frnd if he really wants to get married to tat girl?? because guys generally give in to the pressure of their mom. i have faced a hell lot of problems due to this. i dont want some other girl shud go through the same ordeal. ask both of them how well they both can manage and how much they can fight “FOR” each other. in my case i was the only one fighting wch led to sucked up confidence and too many consequences. hope it helps u in atleast some way.
and yes make it sure tat ur frnd doesnt make his mother feel lonely. and u know the best way to solve is ” GOOD COMMUNICATION”March 12, 2015 at 4:30 pm #15872
One thing i must say that we can’t change their religious belives because i don’t belive in all this. So first u should make clarify her about this. Because in now a days i don’t know that somebody will burn thier son’s life because of this.
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