Relationship Issue..urgent help needed!!!

This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  rahul kumar 3 years, 3 months ago.

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    Hi all,

    I am a 24 years old female. I have been in a relationship with my classmate since the 12th class, so its been almost 8 years. At that time we both were strongly attracted to each other and were quite immature and thus our relationship started. We are quite different from each other and thus we fight over a lot of things from the beginning. Earlier, I didn’t mind these fights and always thought things would change. We are still fighting over the same things after so many years. THere is no understanding between us.

    The problem between us stems from the fact that I am a very outgoing kind of a person and love to explore new things and places, meet new people etc., he, on the other hand is not at all like this. Whenever I wanted to go to some place he would say a direct “no” to it and that too without any reason. He is immature and being a single child he is quite pampered. I always thought that things would change and situation would improve but no. I am going to be 25 soon and my family is already talking about my marriage. But when I look at him, I don’t feel the love any more, I don’t see my ideal life-partner in him. I know its very lame to realize this after so many years but I am very confused now. I have dedicated 7-8 years of my life to him and still I am not sure if he is the right guy for me. I just don’t want to be like this for the rest of my life, fighting and cribbing over things. He doesn’t understand things on his own, I have to tell him everything that this is wrong and this is right, every time. That pisses me off.

    Since the beginning of this year, I have started feeling that I have wasted my life and have had no fun. So, after trying almost everything, I decided that we should stay apart for a while. So, initially we used to talk once in a week. Now during this time, One of my office friend who has now left the office contacted me through facebook. We, then, started chatting then talking almost everyday. Initially, he showed all signs of being interested in me. He flirted with me, etc.,etc. I dont know how and when, but I started feeling for him. We met also and then we made a plan to go on a trip as both of us were frustrated and wanted to chill. So in the beginning of this month we went to a hill station. There everything was fine, we were chatting, drinking till 2 in the morning, then suddenly he came close to me. I resisted, made him understand that thats not right, but then gave up. We both made out that night and the next night also. I also confessed to him that I have feelings for him. He on the other hand said that nothing is possible between us as he has a girl in his life. Even I cannot commit to him. Now things between us have turned sour and he has almost stopped talking to me (which i feel is very wrong on his part as he only aroused these feelings in me and now suddenly has stepped back). My feelings for him have become stronger and keep thinking about him every time. I am trying to be strong to get him out of my mind but I fail every time. We both discussed about this incident after we got back from the trip (he got time to speak to me after almost 2 weeks), he shouted at me and said that I am just trying to gain his sympathy. We both fought a lot each blaming the other but later decided that we should just continue as normal friends. I am ready for that as I just want him in my life in any role. But that’s also not happening as he doesn’t talk to me its only once or twice a week that too on chat.

    I am very confused as what should I do now. I cannot have my friend in my life and am feeling like a fool who trusted him so blindly and went on a trip in the first few months of the friendship. I don’t know if he always had sex on his mind from the start because I was always been true to him. My boyfriend loves me a lot and is trying everything to make things work between us. I feel so bad for him as what I did to him is wrong completely and I don’t deserve his love. Please suggest what should I do, should I stay with him and adjust according to him. I feel i wont be able to be happy. I don’t enjoy his touch anymore. But now I have also seen the other side of things. Guys are so bad and are only looking for that thing. I don’t have the courage to deal with another heartbreak. :(:s Plz help!!!



    Hi Victoria
    After reading your case I felt that whole mistake is in ur part…. Never trust anybody blindly. As you said, u won’t deserve your first bf love any more and explain him clealy so that he won’t feel that much sad in his future and he will find a suitable girl. Coming to u, pls concentrate on ur career first and never get into any relationships mess and try to do some yoga for peace.


    rahul kumar

    The guy u are dealing with currently is not a gud guy…and i believe he wanted sex from the beginning…those who love you come more close after sex…don’t leave you…Running after someone who does not loves you back is foolishness…
    About your X-BF from 12th standard…. He will change in the begining…but basic nature doesnt change…people become the same again…after marriage guys have the feeling that Wife should not control them….So he is expected to remain the same way he is now… If u think u can spend life with him like this then go on with him…. But i also believe some people become mature in their late age…So may be he takes some more years to become mature…If even after that you dont feel for him… you guys should not mrry…
    Success rate of arrange marriages is higher than love marriages…Why not consider a guy your family finds for you…?
    Right now concentrate on carrier…may be even your mentality and life partner requirements change with time…

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