relationship & marriage

This topic contains 2 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Prachi 2 years, 11 months ago.

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    madhavi Tambe

    I had 3yrs relationship and even physical involvement but I am still virgin
    my family is against this marriage
    his family is ok but they don’t have their own house.his parents are retired and mother is on dailysis.His salary is 20k right now I am unemployed
    my parents wants me to get married yo stable guy
    but I still love my boyfriend n he also loves me but he is not financially strong.because if family problem n financial problem he give uo on this
    even I think practically
    but I dont want to cheat other person!
    in my community nobody will accept girl who had physical rerelations before marriage
    and by hiding this I will be always scared
    I cant talk about it to my parents
    They won’t be able to handle it
    I don’t have option other than sucide


    madhavi Tambe

    please reply soon
    I asked one week period to decide
    from my family
    please help me



    Dear Madhavi,

    First of all suicide is NEVER an option.It is an insult to the precious life you have been given. It is not a solution, its pure avoidance. That said, you too agree that practically speaking, it would be wise to marry someone who can provide you stability because marriage is not just love. It is companionship, sharing responsibilities and making a good life together. If your boyfriend doesn’t earn enough right now, it does not mean that he cannot grow and improve. Maybe if you two waited for a few years, he will gradually rise up in life and earn enough to support you and his parents. You have to think about the future too – in future you will have children. These days putting one child in a decent school in nursery standard costs around 2000 rupees a month. Do you think he will be able to afford that on his current salary along with his mother’s treatment and father’s responsibilities? I’m not saying you break up with him. All I’m saying is that you both come up with a practical stable plan. Find out what other avenues can your boyfriend explore to raise his income and status. Explore if you are qualified enough for a job after marriage because if you too can work it will improve things a lot. And if you can show your parents with evidence that besides loving you with all his heart, this guy can also provide you a stable life, they too would see your point hopefully. As parents, everyone wants a good life for their child, so you shouldn’t take their ‘no’ as personal.Plus if your boyfriend loves you as much as you say he does, I’m sure he will be ready to do whatever it takes to build a good life for you.

    As for the physical relationship aspect, you are scared because in your community a girl with previous relations is not accepted. But my dear that applies only when you have lost your virginity too. If you are still a virgin, then no-one will ever be able to find out that you have been physical with anyone. There is absolutely no way of finding out.So you can totally remove this fear from your mind.You don’t have to tell anyone.

    Madhavi, just imagine that by thinking about suicide or taking a step like that, how much pain you will give to the parents who gave birth to you, who raised you, who gave you all their love and care, and what for? Just because they care enough to want you to have a good life and are correct in assuming that the guy you are with right now cannot give you one? Don’t you think it’s very unfair? Just think about the shame and hurt your parents will face if you do something like this. Do you really want them to go through that pain all their life? Dear Madhavi, life is much bigger and much more richer than a single relationship. Sometimes the people we love are just not in our destiny, are not meant to be with us. But that’s only because life may have something better in store for you. Nobody should stop living just because they couldn’t make one relationship work? Do you seriously think your life depends on one relationship when there are so many other people in your life who want to see you smile and even live for your happiness? Think about it. Take off the rosy glasses from your eyes and take a LOGICAL decision, not an EMOTIONAL one because emotions can mislead us.

    I wish you all the best!

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