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    alok.rmr
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    Dear Doc,

    I am a 24 yr old lad from Mysore, Karnataka. I am presently working as a research scholar at University of Mysore. I am here because I somehow know I have some problem. May be Depression, may be Stress or may be any other psychological problem which is ruining my life.

    I can’t really recognize my problem… and i hope it is your job now… So i am gonna tell somethings which might help you to understand the symptoms of my problem.

    I was brought up mostly by my mom (doesn’t mean that dad didn’t care… he only did that rarely… Moreover i was mostly afraid of him in most situations). My schooling was good and i had very good teachers who taught me values of life along with text book syllabii. But i had few problems with getting along with my fellow students. I was not much interested in sports and games and of course had no skill in them. This was what my friends used to make fun about and tease me. My be i was a little girlish. My teachers on the other hand were very happy about my academic performances but here too i had a habit of being lazy. y teachers always complained about my irregularity with home works and class notes.

    Later when i was around 11, i got selected in an exam conducted by JNV and happened to go to a boarding school where i studied for 7 long years. My life in hostel was not much easy… I still had same problems and apparently in a larger scale. I had peer group teasing and teachers’ complaints all the time. But still i was careless and found no reason to adopt a lifestyle which i didn’t like. Though i was a bit home sick at the beginning, i managed to get adjusted to the hostel life. Even then i once(i was in 10th std) tried to escape from hostel premises and had literally gone around 25 km away from campus on foot. I somehow struggled my way out of the school after completing my 12th std.

    I had two serious issues with my family during those 7 years.

    Firstly, When i was in 8th std, i had a news that i will be having a little brother. That put me in mixed feelings. one way, i hoped that my bro will break my solitude. but on the other hand i feared that my parents would start loving the little kid more than me. Somehow i still have mixed feelings towards my brother.

    Secondly, My mom got operated for brain tumor for 2nd time during my class 10. She lost her vision completely and became blind after this. I loved my mom a lot and i couldn’t bear this event mentally. may this was one of the reason which drove me out of the campus.

    My academic performance was fair during all these years. Though not a distinction student, i never came below 1st class.

    Later, I joined B.Sc in Biotechnology in Mysore. Did not take up any competitive exams. I had least issues with my consistent academic problems here. may be because no one cared about it. however my performance was good as always. But I had my family issues continued here. I had to be the cook for the family as my mom couldn’t do anything. This was a matter of frustration sometimes as i had this responsibilities at that age. Even when i wanted to socialize, i couldn’t because i had time constrains. But it did not seem to hinder my studies. I even got selected in campus interviews by two companies(i did not choose to go anyways). I completed my B.Sc with 1st class and had not planned what’s next…

    I wrote entrance exam to get a seat for master’s degree. Though I did not perform well, i got seat to do my M.Sc in Biotechnology without any effort. This was because i had my NSS quota which had a seat reserved in all the departments. I chose biotech and i got it.

    During all these years, i always had comments from my friends that i had entered a wrong field. they always told me that i would have chosen some fine art subjects ass i was good at singing, dancing, painting etc… I too felt in same lines sometime. but may be i/my parents were afraid that those fields weren’t secure enough.

    After my M.Sc i approached one of my professor and asked her to take me as her PhD student. And as always, i did not have to try hard. she accepted without second thought. Now its been almost an year i started working under her. But here again my consistent academic irregularity poked its nose. I am indeed enthusiastic to do several experiments. But i am being lazy. and i am not doing justice to my work. It has now become a serious issue and i don’t want to continue with same problems. I seriously need to get rid of all these problems and work well to build a strong career.

    SO please HELP ME….. I really need some help…….

    #15179

    Hey alok,
    I read every details about your problem. Thanks i admire the way you have written as it has not left with any loop holes regarding your problem. Just want to ask apart from irregularity in your work does your problem hampering your personal and social life also and to what extent? First of all you know and aware of your problem area so its the best if you schedule your daily activities where you can include your recreational actitvity like u said u love paintings, damnce or music because this way it will give you time apart from you studies for your leisure which is really important. alok i want you to if possible for you your daily activites with time and accordingly we can schedule it. secondly i want to know more about the depression which you have mentioned. depression in what sense you are talking about? Meaning i want to know what to know what all changes you are experiencing which makes you will you are in depression. alok my email id is [email protected] and if possible mail me your daily activity routine.

    Look forward for your reply.

    Sonali Sardana
    Clinical Psychologist

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