August 22, 2014 at 4:10 am #13809
am married to a man i loved for 4 yrs.its been 2.5 yrs since we got married,after a huge dispute from both families.am an occupational therapist and he is doing his CA finals.we both were students while we got married and he worked for a company at the time.we were financially struggling while he took leaves for his exams evry 6 months. he is hypertensive and is short tempered. am not a polite person myself and we used to have fights on and off. due to our financial difficulties, i’ve been seeing private cases even during my PG. now am working as therapist in a hospital. its an 8 hour duty and in addition to that i see private cases in morning and after duty in the evening. i have private cases even on sundays. i hardly sleep for 5 hrs everyday.due to my schedule, i feel really tired after i reach home after 8pm. still i somehow manage to tidy the house, wash clothes and do other household works.am not a good cook but can manage. now, we were planning for a baby and during my checkup i was diagnosed with PCOS. my doc asked me to reduce stress.but right down we r in a situation that i cant cut down my private cases. still i manage to cook breakfast and lunch regularly.
a few days back, i failed to cook dinner and didnt ask him for an alternative.he was very hungry after work and naturally he got angry. what hurt me most was that he said there s no wonder am not getting pregant,coz am not qualified to be a mother. this not the first time that he s saying so, he use to say always that am a selfish person, i dont take care of him properly, and so…but this time i felt really bad, i decided to suicide the very next day, but changed my plan once i woke up…am a strong believer and cant commit suicide,so i cried a lot during night, and in the morning when he woke up and understood that i’ve been crying, he got all the more angry,since i dont like speaking when am sad, and he dont like keeping mum when he asks something.
he again said that am selfish to think that i dont want to live,that i dint think that he would be left alone to do everything and recieve other’s blame.
am in a situation that i cant go to my parents or his,though they r in good terms with us now, they’d feel sad and ultimately blame us.
i cant leave him coz i love him so much..
i love kids, and ever since i got married, i wanted kids..
it really hurts to recieve all the bad remarks and scoldings from him…he says he is working coz he wants a good life for both of us, and asks me not to forget that if it was not for us to live together, he’d have got married only after completing his CA.
am struggling daily since past years, to support him financially so that he could give enough attention for his studies..we both have been raised in a good financial background that the money we get is not enough…
i dont know what to do..pls help
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