This topic contains 10 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Swarup 1 year, 2 months ago.

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  • #19602
    Profile photo of Darshana
    Darshana
    Participant

    I get suicidal thoughts almost every day, I don’t have any friends to talk to. I can’t talk to mom ’cause she doesn’t understand. I don’t go to school because I get really nervous and don’t like to go where there are so many strangers, so my mom is home schooling me. Sometimes I feel really lonely even when there many people and sometimes I feel really crowded when there are only 2 people… I don’t know what to do and get this really suicidal thoughts that I just want to end it. I almost did twice trying to hang myself to fan and drink poison but thanks I just really scared. Nobody knows I did that.

    #19604

    Swarup
    Participant

    Hello Dharshana, its not a good idea of trying to commit suicide for any problem. So u hav life means u hav to achieve something in it instead of quitting it. Just think what will happen if u commit suicide ha…? Nothing will effect to anyone instead of ur life. So can u tell me something more about ur problem….

    #19605

    Swarup
    Participant

    The only problem u said is u are not comfortable with strangers, so in initial stage everybody will be like this only darshana. When u will don’t go outside then how can u make frds… The only problem u are having is not communicating or interacting with others thats why u feel so alone in home. So can u tell me from when u are having this kind of problem…?

    #19607
    Profile photo of Darshana
    Darshana
    Participant

    Parents divorced when I was two year old they both were having affairs from beginning. So after I was two they divorced and my father said he didn’t want me. I don’t miss my father cause I didn’t really know him but at that time my mom had a boyfriend named Suresh he was there for almost five years I called him dad they were going to get married but my grandmother refused after some time they broke up he said even if they broke up he will always be there for me. He didn’t even call me. When I was around 6-7 my was said that we should just end it she was going commit suicide with jump in lake I told her I wanted to live. After some time my father came back and said he wanted us back my grandmother and uncle send us back with him they used fight a lot the first thing in morning I used to do was to check if my mmom was breathing. It was new school, new people I didn’t like to leave my mom alone what if when I came back and she wouldn’t be home. Then after living with him for 4-5 months we came back and started living with grandmother again. My mom remarried when I was in third standard. We again left city, it was a joint family my step father was a widower with two sons. They put me in a Gujarati medium school for 1 month but after I dint understand much there so again they changed me into English medium school. We stayed there for 6months. And we returned back because my mom because they started asking for money. And after some time she got into another relationship with Muslim who was already married and had son. That guy said he would marry her and adopt me, she knew grandmother would never allow that. She asked me to start calling him dad I didn’t want to he wasn’t my dad but I couldn’t or she will tell that I didn’t want her to happy so I went along with it and only 6-7 months after that they broke up. When I was 10 year old in summer vacation she got married again and they separated before my vacation was over. We went to Rajasthan, udaipur so she could get her nursing degree I hated it there I don’t even know why I didn’t go to school regularly, didn’t study nor did I talk to anyone. I didn’t have any friends there I tried but no luck. Mom sent me back to my aunt’s house I started going to my old school again but it was horrible. My aunt and uncle used to fight all the time. My cousin didn’t like it that I stayed there no one did. My aunt always said that it was because of me my mom’s marriages didn’t work. She used bad mouth about my mom and make me do work and taunt me. I bunked school one day with my cousin, she’s two years younger than me my aunt found out she blamed me that I was going to sell my cousin. My cousin said it was my idea and they said so many vulgar things to me that I just…. I tried to drink poison but got really scared. Mom took me back to udaipur but didn’t go to school regularly and started staying alone. We were staying in a one room kitchen house with her boyfriend and didn’t want to stay with him. At night when I was trying sleep they would have sex I could here every thing. One time I asked what the noise because they both were sleeping next to me mom started shouting at me. She had two boyfriends at that time. Once she sent me to go with her boyfriend and get some dinner on a bike he sexually touched me and tried forcefully pull me towards him. When I told my mom about this she didn’t believe me. After that boyfriend she had another boyfriend named bhavesh. My mom left udaipur for him and we shifted to Ahmedabad and started living with him on my mom’s money. She was paying for rent, for groceries, for petrol and all other bills. That was when everything started mostly they would fight a lot every day he would beat her slap her, they both would threaten to commit suicide. More than once I have to get blades out of their hands my mom would lock herself in a room and try hang her self. He even slapped me once mom said she would throw him out she didn’t. They broke up just about six months ago. And after that she has already been 3 relationship. Right now she is in a relationship with a married man who 3 months ago had a daughter and right now asked my mom to have a secret marriage type relation with him and she agreed. She lied to me about it and was with him at his house all night yesterday….

    #19608

    Swarup
    Participant

    The main reason behind all of ur problems are ur parents. They doesn’t know the value of a true relationship. Mostly ur mom is sole responsible for this that she was failed to get a true love in her life. Or she left it when she broke up with ur father only. See we should not search for love, it should come to us from our behavior, character and attitude so once we miss that true love then there is no possibility of getting it back. Whatever ur parents hav done its only effected ur life till now but still u hav ur own future to make it in ur own way. Its only possible if u take out ur fear try to minge with people so u can know there are lot of good peoples exist around u. Yoy

    #19609

    Swarup
    Participant

    The main reason behind all of ur problems are ur parents. They doesn’t know the value of a true relationship. Mostly ur mom is sole responsible for this that she was failed to get a true love in her life. Or she left it when she broke up with ur father only. See we should not search for love, it should come to us from our behavior, character and attitude so once we miss that true love then there is no possibility of getting it back. Whatever ur parents hav done its only effected ur life till now but still u hav ur own future to make it in ur own way. Its only possible if u take out ur fear try to minge with people so u can know there are lot of good peoples exist around u. As i think u are not so feared person as u tried to commit suicide because some one should be fearless to try that so u can make it everything just like what others have. Problems will be there for everyone, u can’t find a single person without that. So be confident try to go school or many training institutions are there from which u can make ur life brighter…..

    #19611
    Profile photo of Darshana
    Darshana
    Participant

    Do you think I could have a Facebook account I am 16 and I want to make friends maybe I could talk to them online but mom said I wasn’t aloud to. What do you think is the right age I would be for me to have an account????

    #19612

    Swarup
    Participant

    Its not like that darshana, there is a lot of difference between making real frds and online frds. And first of all u should know people directly then u can go for that and in today childrens are also using fb. So doesnt matters whenever u want u can use it. So be careful in making frds as u don’t know different kind of people are there around u…

    #19614
    Profile photo of Darshana
    Darshana
    Participant

    I don’t know what to do my mom said the that the she’s with wants to accept me as his daughter and her as a wife and she wants me accept him. That guy is married and 3 months old’s father. She forcing me either accept that or she will have to marry someone my grandmother chose for him… I don’t know what to do I told her that I am okay with whatever she wants because when I tried to tell her no she started to get really emotional and said that she can’t be alone all her or every one will call her character less and blah blah….And that I don’t understand her but she also doesn’t try understand me.

    #19615
    Profile photo of Darshana
    Darshana
    Participant

    My grandmother is really forcing my mom to get married but I don’t want it starting all over again. You my grandmother is really something she aloud my mom to have an affair with her sister’s husband… her own daughters. In fact she would allow anyone who was financially supporting my mom to have a relationship him even if he was10 years younger than her and abusing her…

    #19623

    Swarup
    Participant

    Its good for u to live little bit far from all this for sometime. Will u able to do it..?

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