This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  lindsey_sooze 3 years, 4 months ago.

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  • #13799

    Simi Saji
    Participant

    I have been married for 7 years. In the initial stage of three years we didn’t have any problem. As for one year my husband was in USA and then we had long distance relationship, he was working at Chennai and myself at Gujarat.

    After three years we got a chance to stay together at Chennai. For few months everything was fine, after that my husband’s behaviour started to change. He started comparing me with other woman viz friends wife, our housemaid. Intially I took lightly as i thought we were issueless. I was going on for treatment for few months.

    All of sudden he started sleeping outside, keeping mum for months. Not speaking for months though staying in same apartment. for me it was horrible situation, as i was taking costly treatment and my husband was not cooperating for the same. then he asked me to shift my place to Cochin after that he will also follow me. I took transfer to kerala, but he didn’t get, he will visit every week days and was in good terms with me. We started again new treatment for a new child.

    In the meantime, he registered himself to a matrimony site quoting himself as divorcee and seeking new alliance. He only showed me a photographs of a girl, and when i asked he said , she is his second wife and child, he has found out through matrimony.

    The problem was solved when his friend intervened, and we again started a new life (still not staying together). I was three months pregnant when i got a call from a girl inquiring about his marital status. In the meantime he got transfered to kochi, but he didnt stay with me. He would visit me once in a week.

    After the birth of child, i got to know thru his mobile message that he was in relationship with other woman in his office.

    Now I am in his parents place. I want to say that in the initial period he was good, lovable and charming person. My problem was that i was very emotional and would get angry at any time.

    I require counselling, to save my marriage and our child.

    #15523

    varshasingh06
    Participant

    Hi

    Frankly this one is strangest problem I’ve encountered on this forum. Why you were so self occupied or job focused that you didnt realise, you were losing your husband with passage of time. I can understand till your three initial years but when you stated living with him, why you didn’t try to make thing better. Why you didn’t ask him to stay with you in kochi? Why a husband would stay away from his wife though living in same city? and why a child was brought though it was such an unhealthy marriage?

    See what i feel is, please talk to your husband directly about his affair, his registration with matrimony, his creating distance from you, his future plans about this marriage and about future of your child. Don’t stay with his parents. Go and stay with him no matter what. Ask him to help you in upbringing your child. And if he gives you any indication that he want to end up this marriage, try to find out root cause. If things would not improve now, they are going to be more worse in future. If your child would grow with all this, he would suffer the most.
    You are educated, independent and smart lady. If he doesn’t want to take responsibility of this relation and child just slap divorce paper on his face. Move ahead lady, its not you now its about your child and you are capable enough to give him/her a bright future single handedly.
    in future if he would have more fights with you, it would impact your child more.
    Don’t be a victim. Try to discuss these things with your husband and if he behaves sensibly than have a good life with him but if he continues to behave insensible, leave him.
    you are master of your own destiny and now you are a mother, this doesn’t makes you weak. You are more powerful now.
    Good luck

    read these if u have time
    zindagidogram.wordpress.com
    wordstoendure.wordpress.com

    #15525

    lindsey_sooze
    Participant

    Hello Simi Ji,

    First of all I feel sorry for all the suffering which you are facing. After reading your entire problems I felt very bad.

    First of all you need to identify the root cause of this behavior. Why he is behaving like that with you? You need to ask him directly. Let him also know that marriage with other woman is illegal and a criminal offense. You can go to police if he do the same. He must tell you the reason of his behavior.

    You are educated and mature person. Please don’t behave like a weak and emotional woman. Be strong and let him know that you are not going to tolerate his behavior. He has to live with you. Discuss this problem with his parents and let them also know all your feelings. Tell them boldly that you are not going to accept this and tolerate this. As it is related to your and your kid’s life.

    This problem will not sort out you take bold steps. My suggestions are:
    1) Talk with your husband politely and try to know the reason of his behavior. What kind of problems he is facing with you?
    2) Ask him that you are ready for change if he is uncomfortable with some of your nature. Try to realize him that he is spoiling three lifes. Your’s , his and your kid.
    3) If he not reply you properly and not giving proper answer then discuss this with his parents.
    4) If he ever tell you that he has second wife or planning to another marriage then told him that you will go to police and sue him. Let him also clear that you are not going to tolerate his odd behavior.

    Let us know further development.

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