February 24, 2016 at 11:09 pm #19136
I have been married for 12 years now and still facing trouble from my mother in law. I find her to be very manipulative, controlling and interfering in my marriage. She is highly insecure and refuses to let go of her son and treats him like a child. Just before our marriage day she apparently cried her eyes out to my husband and claimed that now he is going to get married, he will forget her. She made him promise that he will take care of her. We live in U.S. and every time she visits (which is every year for 6 months), she will accuse me of wrongdoings and create a big drama so she can get her son to listen to her and get things done her way. My husband tries to be fair to both her and me and takes a stand in the middle. But he does see through her manipulations and to keep peace in the family he forces me to make compromises and let his mom have her way. She will take over cooking in the kitchen and leave a big mess and expect me to clean up. She forced us to leave the grandkids in her care and would do things to make them love her more than me. She hates it if my parents visit me or if I visit my folks with my children. If things don’t go her way, she threatens my husband with suicide and goes into deep depression till my husband pleads her to come out from her room and go out with all of us as a family. Last year I could not take the stress anymore and finally quit my job to be at home with my kids and also so she can’t use the excuse of “caregiving for our kids” to visit us and wreck havoc. Unfortunately at the same time, my fil passed away. My husband is processing her greencard now so he can take care of her – she essentially forced it with her guilt tripping moves and “pity me” cries. During her last visit, before my husband agreed to process her Greencard, she yelled at me for interfering in her relationship with her son and became verbally abusive about me and my family while my husband was at work. I couldn’t stand it anymore and walked away from her to my room with my 3 year old. She came chasing me down, as she saw that as a sign of disrespect, and tried to take my child from me. I got very angry and told her to back off otherwise I am going to call the cops. Later hubby came home on my request to mediate and soothe things down as she was in a hysterical mood. His sister also lives in U.S. and just had a baby – so brother and sister decided that given the circumstances its best to process mil’s GC. So mil is back on US soil in 3 months gap and applying for adjustment of status. Mil herself claims she didn’t have a happy life – her married life was not a happy one, she had a very controlling mil and an uncaring husband and her own mother is always provoking and fighting with her as well. I really don’t know how to deal with this situation anymore. This woman makes my life hell and won’t back off. Feels like my husband now is more concerned about her feelings than mine. I feel hurt and disrespected and have stopped talking to her as she never accepts her wrong doings and continues to interfere in my life. This upsets my husband as it puts him in a difficult spot as he sees both his mum and me in pain. He continues to talk to her but I have some self respect and don’t want myself to be subject to such repeated abuse. He agrees that what she did was not right but says he can’t abandon her and that I am making him choose. She is visiting us in a week to perform fil’s one year ceremony and final rites. How do I
handle this situation? I want mil to back off and let her son and daughter in law live in peace but she interferes in every aspect of my life and refuses to make any changes for the happiness of her son and daughter in law.February 26, 2016 at 8:54 am #19140
Hi, well I think changing someone’s basic nature is impossible. U can have a family meeting where u can freely express urself about what u r going through. As u said ur mil’s mil was also a terrible person she is just imitating her ur husband can make her understand. And what u r doing is right don’t ever compromise with ur self respect.
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