July 2, 2013 at 10:02 pm #13403
I’m writing to you with great pain.
Often now, i feel as if am about to get into bout of tears, when i remember my past, then suddenly a strong feeling crosses my mind and i feel like killing myself for it all seems too much to bear now n then i also feel like killing the world before killing myself.
As a kid, i had a normal upbringing, studied in a top school, went on to complete my post graduation and am currently employed at a Sr. Managerial position with a top fortune 500 MNC. I used to have a lot of patience, was too polite, soft spoken & was always shy of girls.I have one elder sister, she’s married.
6 yrs ago, at 28, my parents were searching for a compatible match for me. I received a call from a girl from distant north showing interest in my profile. My parents were wary of people native to that place and warned me against further continuing this relationship. The girl however called me again and requested to meet her at least once as she was coming to my city soon, i obliged. Met her and found her to be very beautiful, just the kind i had thought my partner to be. We met 3-4 times over a period of a week when one late evening she called me to her place and begged me for marrying her the next day as her parents were against the relationship and were coming the day after to take her back to her hometown. Even though being apprehensive of the short period of this relationship i again obliged and married her the next day. My parents accepted my decision, even though her parents did not.
Our relationship blossomed well for first six months being normal – physically and emotionally, when suddenly thereafter it took a rather odd turn with her getting into quarrel on trivial matters and mentioning divorce 12 months into marriage. Upon taking up the matter with her later over several sessions she said probably its study pressure of her studies that is leading her into mood swings and things will resolve once her post graduation is over in next 3-4 yrs. Quarrels continued, communication levels dropped and 3 yrs into marriage, she decided to stay in college hostel, despite my strong protests, explaining some strange transport issues. She joined back home 1.5 yrs back to study for her exams. I helped her in her studies, she completed her post graduation in 2 attempts.
Around 8 months back, as mutually discussed and agreed, i shared the idea of starting family now that her exams were over when i got a shocking response – She did not want to start family and needed more time to think of this entire thing. Upon putting her on surveillance i learned that she had established regular physical relationships with multiple men during the course of this marriage, with them being at peak at the time she was in hostel, moreover she was physically involved with a guy 7 yrs before marriage and when he refused her for marriage she was very upset, came to my city, got married and called him back intimating him of his loss.
Her parents were called in and in a joint family meeting upon being confronted with all electronic evidence, she accepted to it all, said she never loved me nor could develop any feelings for me in these past 5 yrs and wanted divorce. Upon her parents request, I however gave her a final chance to reform and put life back on track. Shock again struck a few days later – One fine evening, she took all her belongings from home under police protection.
I never harmed her in any way either physically or emotionally nor used any abusive language during this entire period.
I finally filed for divorce by mutual consent and am currently awaiting the same, due in next couple of months.
This entire episode has consumed me in its entirety. With sudden, wild and periodic mood swings with zero patience levels. As it was – my personal life was almost finished but now this started to reflect and affect my professional life too. Moreover, lost the most precious years of my youth that i ever dreamt of enjoying the most.
Now, as with each day this burden and depreciating circumstances is taking its toll on me and bringing me a step closer to my grave, i feel like taking revenge from anybody to everybody – in whatsoever form and extent possible at least just once – before i close my eyes.
The only big issue is that the sane part of my mind refuses in this endeavour and guides me against doing all this and i wish to seek opinion/guidance/support/help whatever you may call to help me out of this situation pls…
“Only if god cud understand the sorrow in my heart, cud he understand his creation is under threat”July 4, 2014 at 7:37 am #15464
Hi, I read through your issue and my heart goes out to you. You must be in great shock and distress. the thing we find the worst is understanding why such things happen to us when we dont mean harm to anybody. It seems like people go out of their way to destroy our lives for extremely trivial reasons, like this woman duping you into marriage only to feel one up on her ex-lover. Unfortunately its the cliches that finally prevail, time will heal, sorry I dont mean to depress you further. I too have gone through and am still going through an extremely unreal and unfair situation solely because a person I trusted decided to betray me in a terrible way. Its been over a year but I still have trouble coming to terms with it. You have to focus on the small things that are alright in your life and push away the thoughts of self-harm. Its one moment at a time, one day at a time. We can never fathom why it happened, believe that you didnt deserve it so dont beat yourself up. The best revenge is to live well and be happy. easier said than done….good luck my friend. Perhaps the kindness of strangers can help heal the pain inflicted by friends or familyAugust 4, 2014 at 7:11 am #15514
I can understand & feel your pain. But my friend I would suggest you, not to waste your life for someone who don’t deserve you. Relationship is a 2 sided need it can not be driven by just one person. I would suggest you to get involved into more social gathering, reading books, watching movies with friends, it will lessen your pain. Do not feel like victim just think, It was fate which no one except god can avoid. So start a new relationship & hope for the best. Till the time you are alive, never think life is over, there is always a new opportunity waiting for you.
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