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  • #13199
    Prachi
    Moderator

    This is a forum where all of us can discuss our problems and find solutions to them. There are six billion people in this world today, out of that more than 1 billion people in India itself. One cant be the only person to have a particular problem. Chances are, somebody else has already faced the same situation. If you have, please share here. Help others. You will see that it makes you feel good.

    It is not possible for me to reply to all queries on this forum. A helping hand from the community would go a long way in building a healthy world. After all, thats what the network in HopeNetwork.in is all about.

    Please create a thread in appropriate section for your queries.

    Prachi S Vaish
    Founder/Head HopeNetwork.in
    Clinical Psychologist

    #15058
    CpyderW
    Keymaster

    My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for past 2 years. He recently dumped me and declined marrying me. He gives a different reason everytime. I feel suicidal with this indifferent behaviour of his. Please help

    #15059
    CpyderW
    Keymaster

    Dear Sir,

    I want to share some of my strange phsychological problems so that I can get some solution of those problems.

    I was born with genetic disorder as my parents are blood related with each other. I was born in 8th month with abnormality in my body. I will not behave normally as a ordinary boy behaves. I use to cry before going to school. I will not play out door sports when my all friends will play in grounds. Upto my 7th class, I grew somewhat normally. As I entered into my 7th class, suddenly I got phsychological disorder and I will not get sleep entire night. I did not slept for more than 10 days and will get thoughts like – why I am born like this, why all are watching me strangely. And I will cry entire night and my parents admitted me in a mental hospital. Due to over dosage of my medicines, my hands will be shivering and I will sleep in day time also in my school. In my 9th class, suddenly I got fits in my sleep. My grand father knew medical treatment and he gave some treatment in that night. I check up my brain and as per reports, my brain blood was clotted in some area. I used EPTOIN tablet some days and got some relief from my frequent head ache. Then upto my inter first year, I behaved some what normally.

    I never talked with girls and I will be very reserved with boys also. In my inter second year, one of my girl named sravani (school mate) talked with me in a bus stand when I was waiting for my college bus. She also joined in my residential college for inter second year. She called me vijay very sweetly and I was attracted by her behavior as first time a girl called my name. I don’t know how she knows my name and why she is interested to talk with me though I am not very attractive regarding my behavior. Another girl named soundarya will join in my tuition wherever I joined in my school days. I joined in my inter first year, she joined in same college. I joined another college in my inter second year, she joined in same college. I joined Btech EEE, she joined same EEE by studying long term coaching. In my inter second year, sravani and soundarya both were friends and sravani will try to ineract with me asking some books. Soundarya is reserved type. Then I start to attract with sravani who talks with me. One day, normally she asked one book, and suddenly I changed my face somewhat irritatingly and gave that book. After that, she never talked with me and I don’t know why I behaved like that. I always thinking that I could not able to make nice conservation with sravani who is my first love.

    I finished my Btech and struggled as unemployee for 4 years ideally as I have no friends, no senior guidance. I always thinking about sravani that – why I could not able to make atleast friendship with her. Currently I am facing inferior complex as I have so many diseases. I was attracted by another oriya girl named swarupa in my office who will have same smile and eyes of Sravani. Everybody in my office will look strangely as I will be very reserved, strange body language, will not mingle with each other, will get sweat in ac room. I will behave strangely while swarupa passing from me. I will be tensed, my heartbeat will increased, I will behave as I should not see her and forcedly I will divert myself. I want to make only friendship with her to get some relief from my loneliness.She had her woodbee working in my same office. I send a SMS to her to check her office mail and I clearly mentioned that it will not be a love letter. She asked to send that mail and I explained about my love story with Sravani in that mail and requested to make friendship with me and also mentioned as she had same smile and same eyes of sravani. She replied as I believe on you and I chatted with her through SMS for 15 minutes very friendly. On the same day night around 8:00 pm, she send sms as she saw me at the bus stop. At that time i am in office and again chatted with friendly for 10 minutes. I never talked with her personally and i talked through phone for office work only. She will smile while i am watching her. Suddenly after 3 days, i send sms to her as good morning at 8:30 am. no reply. after that, on independence day, i have leave and she is in office. i send sms as Happy independence day. she replied as “who r u. come in front of me”. i got doubt something wrong had happened. i send sms as i am vijay babu, anything wrong. no reply. everything is ok? no reply.on 16th august 2012, i saw guilty feeling in her eyes “some sorry saying feeling”. after that i never saw her face or never tried to observe her. unfortunately i already officially terminated by manager as i told frankly about my HCL interview and 18th august 2012, i relieved from my office. i observed others that they are in feeling that i proposed swarupa and she rejected me. but i did not tell any body about my mail and sms chatting. i dont know what happened with her and why she avoided me after sending sms so friendly. now i decided not to send sms to her and not to disturb her. i cant imagine a girl in the place of my first love sravani. i just want to make friendship with swarupa as she had same smile and same eyes of sravani.
    .

    I will always disturbed with the imperfections of others and I will not talk with others who will hirt me. I feel so lonely as nobody cares me and no one loves me due to my abnormal behavior. Sometimes I will get thoughts that why I born like this – so many complications, so many diseases, so many agonies.
    Still I am using those prescribed medicines and I will not get sleep if I don’t use those tablets.

    I need your advice regarding my phsycological disorders, regarding my medicines, regarding my feelings.

    Please reply me as I need your valuable suggestions.

    Currently i am using OLAP 5mg in night and VITAWIN in afternoon.

    Yours,
    Vijay babu
    Mobile number : 9791074112
    Email : [email protected]

    #15061
    Prachi
    Moderator
    Guest wrote:
    My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for past 2 years. He recently dumped me and declined marrying me. He gives a different reason everytime. I feel suicidal with this indifferent behaviour of his. Please help

    Dear guest,
    We are glad you have contacted us. First of all remember, suicide is NEVER a way out. When you think about suicide you only hurt yourself; and why should you hurt yourself for someone else’s act?
    That said, if he is giving you a different reason every time probably he himself is not sure of the reason. The only thing he is sure of is that he wants to break up. I would say let him go. There is nothing to be gained by begging and pleading. Give him and yourself some space for a while. Calm down and let your emotions get a hold of themselves. Most of the time in a highly emotional situation like this, one thing leads to another in a chain reaction and you end up making things worse by the day. So just take a breather. May be if you give him some time-out he would feel the need to come back to you. If he doesn’t then the relationship is over in any case because why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t need you?

    But that’s for later. For now just give yourself a time period (say, a week) and decide that u would use this time to gather yourself…no more tears…no more despair…you would do things you enjoy and will give your relationship some space. Just do this for now and then get back to us. We’ll tell u the next step. All the best!!!

    #15062
    Prachi
    Moderator
    Guest wrote:
    Dear Sir,

    I want to share some of my strange phsychological problems so that I can get some solution of those problems.

    I was born with genetic disorder as my parents are blood related with each other. I was born in 8th month with abnormality in my body. I will not behave normally as a ordinary boy behaves. I use to cry before going to school. I will not play out door sports when my all friends will play in grounds. Upto my 7th class, I grew somewhat normally. As I entered into my 7th class, suddenly I got phsychological disorder and I will not get sleep entire night. I did not slept for more than 10 days and will get thoughts like – why I am born like this, why all are watching me strangely. And I will cry entire night and my parents admitted me in a mental hospital…..

    Dear Mr. Vijay,
    Thank you for writing to us. Your story is definitely saddening and we understand that you have gone through a lot. But first I would like to draw your attention to the fact that despite all those difficulties you still managed to complete high education, managed to hold a respectable job and have managed to lead a somewhat normal life. That’s no mean achievement. You should be proud of yourself for that! We are proud of you!

    As for your emotional and relationship problems, we will get to them later. First I want to get you good qualified medical advice. I don’t know why you’re taking the medicine that you mentioned right now because I haven’t seen your prescription. But I still want to refer you to a new doctor who can do your full check up once again from a fresh eye. Can you tell me in which city do you live? Then I’ll try to find you a professional there and you can go see him. Once tht is done, we’ll take this further okay? So don’t lose heart…HopeNetwork.in is here for you!

    We look forward to your reply!

    #15063
    CpyderW
    Keymaster

    I am simply not able to distance my self from him. I have tried but can not succeed in not talking to him. More so since we work at the same office I find it all the more difficult.
    What can I do in such a case?

    prachi wrote:
    Guest wrote:
    My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for past 2 years. He recently dumped me and declined marrying me. He gives a different reason everytime. I feel suicidal with this indifferent behaviour of his. Please help

    Dear guest,
    We are glad you have contacted us. First of all remember, suicide is NEVER a way out. When you think about suicide you only hurt yourself; and why should you hurt yourself for someone else’s act?
    That said, if he is giving you a different reason every time probably he himself is not sure of the reason. The only thing he is sure of is that he wants to break up. I would say let him go. There is nothing to be gained by begging and pleading. Give him and yourself some space for a while. Calm down and let your emotions get a hold of themselves. Most of the time in a highly emotional situation like this, one thing leads to another in a chain reaction and you end up making things worse by the day. So just take a breather. May be if you give him some time-out he would feel the need to come back to you. If he doesn’t then the relationship is over in any case because why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t need you?

    But that’s for later. For now just give yourself a time period (say, a week) and decide that u would use this time to gather yourself…no more tears…no more despair…you would do things you enjoy and will give your relationship some space. Just do this for now and then get back to us. We’ll tell u the next step. All the best!!!

    #15064
    CpyderW
    Keymaster

    Dear Sir,
    I am Subhajit from Kolkata. I wanna share my psychological problem with you. Hoping to get some solution from you.
    5 years back in my college days I was once rejected by a girl when proposing her. By then that situation made me turn my life into an end, but I somehow survived. Since then I am alone and single. I left her memories faded and trying to bring back a sweet smile into my lips so that life turns better, but still I cant even move forward to make a new relation just because I have formed a barrier all around me and always have a feeling that I am better to stay away from making a relation cause I will get rejected.
    I am now 26 and working in a private firm. I have no one to share all my feelings with, sometimes I feel like crying loud in my voice. Only one question arises in my mind all the time, “Why am I still alone, why me?” and I get depressed. I don’t know how to overcome this.
    Please suggest.

    #15065
    Anjaliii guptaaa
    Participant

    neeed hlp…:(((


    m a sixteen yr old girl…m emotinally attached to a guy…bt my parents got to knw abt us…nw m asked to have no cntact wid dat guy…..bt i cant to dis….m totally depressd….wat shud i do????/cnt cncntrate on studies:(

    #15066
    CpyderW
    Keymaster

    :huh:

    Dear Ms. Prachi,

    I am married since 2 years and have a baby boy who is 9 months old. My husband is a doctor and he really loves me. But he is frustrated with the childhood of the baby. He does not like his crying, shouting and the attention he seeks all the while. He is really frustrated with the child and wanted to give him away to my in-laws, which I refused. He feels that I have spoilt three lives – his, mine and the child’s by letting him stay here. Our happiness has gone for a toss and we have become very upset with our state of being.

    prachi wrote:

    Our team of experts is available on this discussion forum to resolve your queries. When you post your query here, you not only get advice from me and the entire professional team of HopeNetwork.in, but also from other people across the world…people just like you…who have gone through what you’re facing and can tell you what works and what doesn’t work.

    So tell us what you need help with, here, and we’ll get back to you real quick, right here!

    P.S. Although registration is not mandatory to make a post, we recommend that you register on the forum because it makes it easier for you to track the responses to your query and stay updated. Thank you!

    Prachi S Vaish
    Founder/Head HopeNetwork.in
    Clinical Psychologist

    #15067
    CpyderW
    Keymaster

    dear ms.prachi,
    i am a mother of a one year old daughter and belongs to a good family.my husband has his own business firm and we live quite a comfortable life without major complexes.
    the problem i have lies with me.i have a serious problem of laughing at inappropriate times.especially this happens when i have conversations with my husband.sometimes he seeks business advise from me because everyone says that i am a good advisor but most of the time i start laughing a t the middle of the converstaion and it ends with a big question mark? my husband says he is annoyed and irritated by my habbit and i feel that i am losing his respect day by day.
    although it happens mostly with my husband it happens with other people too.sometimes when im on the phone giving directions to someone i feel like laughing.it s that bad.
    i badly want to stop this habbit and ive read and tried so many methods to do so.
    i really dont know why this happens even though this has been thre wthin me on certain instances since i was schooling.
    if iam to read a prayer infront of a crowd or just infront of my falimy i cant do that ever because i start laughing.
    so this has evolved in to a serious problem with me and im scared that i have a mental problem.
    please help me and guide me on what i should do.

    #15068
    CpyderW
    Keymaster

    Hi,
    I’m 23 and engaged. Its and arranged marriage. I am totally confused now whthr I should proceed with my marriage cos I’m not able to understand this. He says he is so in love with me, but he is too scared of everyone. He lost his dad at a young age and has been submissive and passive since then. He has been longing for love and he expects that I would give him all the love he lost. I feel kind of suffocated in the relationship. I’m better than him in all aspects, looks (he is really average looking while I look pretty good) job (I earn the same salary as he does), talents etc… I know that I’m not supposed to get these thoughts of superiority complex. But when his family members behave odd with my parents for any matter (mine is a typical Indian arranged marriage where the girls family does the whole wedding: the guys family keeps finding fault with all that). When these happen, I cant help hating him because he is too submissive. He is not able to take his stand. As a person, he is more than sweet. He sometimes does not eat if am not wel. He loves me like crazy and wants me to take all his decisions. He has started imagining his whole life with me and dreams about our kids and our days together. But I’m not able to feel the same for him. I’m not able to love him. I get so irritated when he is not able to take his decision,. When he bothers about what others would think more than about whthr he really likes it.. help me. I’m so confused

    #15071
    CpyderW
    Keymaster

    i have a depression but my depression is not settle somelime happy lively properly feeling sometime down sad feeling how will take time this sickness properly finished ?

    #15073
    Prachi
    Moderator
    Anjaliii guptaaa wrote:
    neeed hlp…:(((


    m a sixteen yr old girl…m emotinally attached to a guy…bt my parents got to knw abt us…nw m asked to have no cntact wid dat guy…..bt i cant to dis….m totally depressd….wat shud i do????/cnt cncntrate on studies:(

    Hi Anjali!
    Thank you for sharing with us!
    I can understand what you’re going through. And I know how frustrated u feel. Maybe your parents feel that you’re too young to have a relationship and that u need to focus on your studies and career first. so tell u what? why don’t you show your parents by studying hard and doing really well in your exams, that you ARE paying due attention to your studies and that your relationship is not having a negative impact.

    Secondly, considering the kind of incidents one reads about nowadays, it is indeed very difficult for parents to allow their daughters to engage in relationships, especially for someone as young as you, because it is easy to mislead one at this age. Now, I’m not saying that the guy you’re with is wrong, but in this stage it not easy to distinguish between risky and safe behavior. So, I hope this will also help u understand their point of view.

    Finally, have you tried talking to them about it? Have you asked them or have they told you why they forbid your friendship? How about you compromise with them on the fact that you will stay ‘just friends’ with this guy until you do your 12th? I’m assuming you’re in 10th right now and this is an important year for you. Just try staying good friends until 12th after which, if you perform well, you will be in a position to face your parents as an adult who fulfilled her responsibilities well. Don’t you agree? And if this guy really loves you, he will definitely understand your position.

    All the very best!!!

    #15082
    Fancy
    Participant

    I’m 16 years old and I have a boyfriend. He is 17 years old. Our relation is about 1 year old. I have very strong feelings for him and he holds the same for me too. Let me start by talking about his nature. He is a very sweet and friendly guy. He makes friend in a minute and help them rest of their life. There are many examples where he was ready to give up his own life for his friends. From the childhood only he have faced many family problems like he felt that no one understands him. He never talk about his past much so I don’t know many of the things. Because of that he became a very self consumed and the aggression within him started growing. He started abusing and beating the one who did wrong. The things he said were always right but because of the violence he used in those words his parents started hating him. They love him still I can see that but they never show that. He also know that his parents love him but most of the time he feels that he is alone as his parents never showed their love to him. He was sent to hostel when he was 11 years old and he became a street fighter to earn his livelihood. The admission fees was given by his parents only but he had to pay the rest of the expenses and still he is doing that. Now he have many internal injuries now. Then in 14 years of age a girl fell in love with him. He said yes to her for her happiness and when he felt her care for him he started loving her deeply because that was the only thing he ever wanted. But few months later his parents called him as they didn’t liked their relationship as both of them were too busy with themselves only and he was ready to do anything for her. He also stopped fighting for her. He returned his home then after some days he got the news that his girlfriend is very sad. He climbed his house balcony to escape from there and walked full night to reach his hostel’s destination but when he reached there he got the news that his girlfriend have ditched him and was committed to another guy who was his friend. He committed suicide at that point but was saved. After that he was sent to another place. After 1 year he returned to him home. A friend of his helped him a lot at that place to overcome his emotions and now that friend means a lot to him. After that i met him and he came to know about my ex. I broke up with my ex because of some reasons. He talked to my ex without my knowledge but originally he went there to meet him to fight with him because my ex was stalking me. But my ex cried in front of him and they became good friends. He tried to reunite us but i didnt liked that step at all. He was very sorry for that step of his. Few days later he realized that my ex was not good for me and he started saving me from him. Now my ex no more stalks me. He helped me a lot so i started caring for him a lot. After 4 or 5 months i started developing feelings for him and he read my mind in few days and we got in a relationship after some of the situations but still here everyone thinks that he is a bad boy who fights and abuse. But only I and the one who know him know the truth. One day my parents came to know about him and they scolded me for that a lot and stopped all our contacts but i am able to talk to him and meet him but without the knowledge of my parents. They have found about us so many times. I have tried to explain them that he is a very nice guy but because of his gunda (fighter) image for outsiders my family is not ready. My brother told everything about his image to my parents and now they hate him a lot. There is no way they will let us be together. My boyfriend was very angry and sad because of the way they treated me after that and said bad things about his character and because of that he abused me when he was so damn angry so that i can make my parents..but there was no help. One more thing he is very mature and am so immature. He hates this nature of mine and scolds me for this many of the times. I am improving but very slowly. One and half month back his mother died and he was left with great shock. After that everyone in his family started talking about his marriage and he gave them my name (they knew my name earlier also as his girlfriend) and now they are ready. Now we talk every day and i make him sleep every night but because of my parents we are facing many problems. He ask me to say things to my parents which are correct but too rude for me to say and I say those things but in a polite manner and he become angry. He have already faced so much pain in love thats why he don’t want to take any risk and want both of us to be together. Still he have given me full freedom to break up with him if i fell in love with some other guy but he only wish that he would help me in that case if i will tell him everything correctly if that situation arise but i know that it will never happen because from the very first day i met him i am not able to think about another guy for even a sec. Now he is shifted to another place and is doing one course there. He will get a salary of 12k per month after 1 year of course and the course will continue for 2 years. His salary will increase surely after that because he is doing graphic course and is very good at that. He will be 18 after 1 year and is asking me to elope with him when i will get 18 years old. I want to be with him no matter what and take care of him. We have many dreams of our own. But I’m thinking that is eloping the only solution?..My boyfriend will not be able to wait for so many years because he need someone a lot at this stage of life because he is completely by his own. He dont force me but i dont want to leave him alone like this so eloping is the only option left for me. What shall i do? If i elope he will marry me at the spot and will finance me for my further studies because he know i am a very bright student. After that both of us will work very hard for our future. After that only we will think about taking our marriage into another step and giving birth to a baby probably at the age of 26 or 27 years because we both think that at the age of 18 we cannot support a child. I asked him whether his parents will raise there opposition for this or not then he said no and additionally said that his father have given him the permission to marry me and will not oppose our elopement and by now i have met most of his relatives.

    #15085
    CpyderW
    Keymaster

    When I was

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