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This topic contains 80 replies, has 22 voices, and was last updated by  Prachi 6 years, 8 months ago.

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  • #15117

    CpyderW
    Keymaster

    I wanted to be a doctor.Did my 12th in 2002,then dropped 5 years in a row and studied hard to clear for premedical test.I come under general category…was getting dental college but I denied.Then in 2007 my father forced me to go for engineering test ,i prepared nothing got good rank and did engineering in electronics and communication with just under 75 %.
    Now i feel very depressed and think like ‘I HAVE DESTROYED MY WHOLE LIFE’.What should i do ,i am 28 now and wanted to be a doctor……plz help or it might be late.9988717216

    #15099

    CpyderW
    Keymaster

    Hi I am a 30 year old woman who technically works for herself. I work from home providing client service/customer service support with my own LLC. All of this sounds great and I know this is a great opportunity. Plenty of people would love this opportunity. The only issue is that I’m at a point in my life where I desire a career change and it is hard for me to do this type of work. I’ve been working in this field for over 7 years and still haven’t been able to break into my career field. I am educated and pursuing a masters degree in finance. I am already qualified to work in the finance with all the required coursework in undergraduate school but my degree is a general degree due to transferring to another school. People always describe me as very smart and I am. Even with that said, I am unable to force myself to service my clients which is starting to affect my pockets big time. I really need some help and encouragement or some type of techniques to continue to do this until I’m able to do something else. Even not having money isn’t driving me to do this anymore and I’ve always been motivated by money. My heart just isn’t in this and I’m no longer passionate about faking it so I really need help before my life crumbles. It has already started, first with the money and now with everything else. I’ve applied to jobs outside of the house and other jobs that are work from home. I get the interviews, pass most of them and in some cases have actually been hired but somehow they just fall off. I have a clean background and can pass credit & reference checks so I’m not quite sure what the issue is. I know that I am over qualified to do most of what I apply for but I know that these are easy fixes to help me get my finances/money back in order. I figured that if I got my money back in order, I could possibly be motivated to continue with my work from home business providing customer support. I usually am able to make a way easily. I’m at the point where I am excluding myself from social activities and have barely interacted with my family as well as close friends. I’ve always have been social but I feel a deep depression coming on and I can’t really afford to have this happen. Even though I don’t suffer from this, mental illness does affect many members in my family and I know how devastating even a mental depression breakdown can be. Even with knowing and seeing this, I’m not able to psych myself into doing what I need to do like I’ve done in the past. It’s hard for me to discuss this with people because no one seems to relate and very few people can motivate me. I’ve always been self-motivated so I’m struggling. What do you suggest that I do? Thanks in advance for your time and consideration!

    #15118

    CpyderW
    Keymaster

    Hi, I am 29 years old and recently got married last year . It was an arranged marriage and it was going very smoothly for the first 8 months but all of a sudden i have discovered this habit of my husband which is disturbing me quite a bit. He watches porn all the time whenever he gets a chance and he feels i am not around . Our sex life has also been disturbed because of this and i feel he has lost a bit of interest in me . I have checked with him regarding and also expressed that i have no issues in him watching porn infact i myself enjoying watching it and wouldnt mind watching it with him but he tends to hide and watch which disturbs me , also the even if he gets a few minutes alone he starts watching porn . I wanted to understand if this behaviour of his needs to be addressed or should i ignore it . Please advise . Thanks in advance.

    #15119

    CpyderW
    Keymaster

    Hi Prachi,

    I am 24 years old and have been in a relationship for almost six years now. My boyfriend is very devoted an loving, though he is not much of a romantic, how I hoped my partner would be. The problem is, I keep cheating on him again and again. I am not able to control myself doing it behind his back. I tell myself that its okay to enjoy life the way I want to, before marriage, but the guilt comes to me in retrospect. I am not able to confront him with all this, but I feel I am being unfair to him. He has planned our future together, and wants to marry me as soon as possible. We’ve had our share of ups and downs in our relationship, but we have managed to work to work through them. I even tried breaking up with him, not knowing whether it was the guilt that provoked me to, or the underlying problems in our relationship, but I was unable to.
    Don’t know whether I am right or wrong, but I have come to perceive myself as polygamous by nature. What else could be the reason for my behavior?
    I have tried looking for answers everywhere, i have confided in my closest friends regarding this. Everyone tells me that what I am doing is wrong and I should stop or break up with my boyfriend. I am not able to do either.
    That been said,it could interest you to know that I am a very idealist person. I am hardworking, sincere and strong minded, otherwise. This is so deviant of my usual behavior. But I seem to be okay with it. Is there something wrong with me? Please help.

    Thanks..!

    #15121

    CpyderW
    Keymaster

    Hi,

    I know my problem is not really big compared to numerous others, but still I feel like writing all of it. I prefer to stay anonymous because I don’t want to be identified at any cost.

    I have been experiencing quite a lot of inferiority complex right from my childhood. First of all, I have been obese, with a dark complexion and a big spectacles added to my attributes. I was pathetic at my academics. I couldn’t score well, which was a disgrace to my family. however my parents love me a lot and they are with me all the while.

    Am not able to find even a single thing which am really good at. Its been over 1.5 years since I graduated and am still struggling to find a permanent job. I couldn’t contribute anything. Am right now in a job which would end early next year, and I really do not know what is next. People label me as dumb and am good for nothing wherever I go and am destined to believe in that. I have no other option other than accepting the fact that I am indeed, dumb.

    I have been writing all the exams for a government job but I never succeeded even once. I thought I was pretty acceptable in my subject, but that thought vanished with an exam result that came out today.

    Apart from that, I feel am always alone in a group. I don’t have really close friends with whom I could speak my mind out. People who come a bit close to me just walk away all of a sudden. Every time its the same story and I end up crying for at least a week for them.

    I feel am really pathetic in life and am good for nothing. I couldn’t find one positive thing about me except for the fact that some people have fun by teasing my appearance. That was probably the best deed of my life so far. My parents love me a lot and that keeps me going. After my parents, no one will even bother if I rot somewhere.

    I want to know how I can get rid of this inferiority complex. I know how I can keep moving on without crying over things. I want to know how I can survive in this appearance-prejudiced world. I want to know how to come out of being labeled as “dumb” everywhere. I want to know how I can erase so called “friends” out of my memory.

    prachi wrote:
    Our team of experts is available on this discussion forum to resolve your queries. When you post your query here, you not only get advice from me and the entire professional team of HopeNetwork.in, but also from other people across the world…people just like you…who have gone through what you’re facing and can tell you what works and what doesn’t work.

    So tell us what you need help with, here, and we’ll get back to you real quick, right here!

    P.S. Although registration is not mandatory to make a post, we recommend that you register on the forum because it makes it easier for you to track the responses to your query and stay updated. Thank you!

    Prachi S Vaish
    Founder/Head HopeNetwork.in
    Clinical Psychologist

    #15127

    CpyderW
    Keymaster

    I am 18 years old.
    I was in a relationship with a guy for 6 months and he was so serious about me and wanted to marry me. Even I loved him the same way but one day suddenly he started avoiding me. Whenever I asked the reason he used to say some excuse or other and finally said that he wants to break up with me. I trusted him more than myself. I m so much hurted. Actually he found some other girl. That hurts even more. I m in 12th grade. Because of all these i m not able to concentrate on my studies. I think of him all the time. I cant even hate him.
    I don’t know what to do. i feel so depressed. Moreover, I don’t have any good friend or anyone who can understand me.
    I really don’t know what to do. I m so confused. I want to forget all this and move on but i am not able to.

    #15129

    CpyderW
    Keymaster

    Hi,

    I am a young professional who is doing really good at work, have loving parents and we can say life is good. Most of the times i am having fun, out with friends, and enjoying, but then almsot all the time i have this feeling, that all of this, this life, i dont want it I never asked for it, I am not bothered to live this. not because i am depressed, but just because i don’t see the point of living. I don’t believe in afterlife, I dont believe in god and i wonder what wrong it will do to end it all with one shot. Even if the world is beautiful and there are so many things i can try which i love adventure sports, travelling, and so on, I am sure if i am dead, its absolute, and i wont be alive to know i missed all this. I am surely not bothered or excited to live the whole life. I still do not commit suicide because of my family and parents. But i understand i need help, you might say i feel emptiness and a feel i have a purposeless life. I dont think suggestions like helping others, to be the reason of smile on somebody else’s face, seeing my parents proud should make me feel good, it does, as does almost everything else, but not enough to stop myself thinking of suicide every now and then.

    #15130

    lisaparker
    Participant

    HELP me plz…
    i am going through very hard time sometime i think of ending my life.

    i am 22yrs old and in CA final. I am less talkative and reserved in nature, have very few friends. My dreams were every thing for me; I wanted to establish my own business empire from my childhood and wanted to serve poor, orphans and old people. There was no place for boyfriend and marriage. And I was overconfident that I will never fall in love. (I am full of negativity regarding relationship and marriage and males). I never had any crush as I devoted my life in getting knowledge about business world and share market. And I used to tell my self I am not made for all this(i considered making boyfriend as wrong), for 22yrs I was untouched with this part of life (love romance etc.)
    till now my life revolved around my parents and i have set high standards for my 2 younger sisters, like in religious matter, studies and staying away from boys(purity and all).
    My upbringing and the background I belong, physical intimacy between male and female before marriage are considered wrong. Moreover from my childhood I dislike physical touch I never hugged my parents and not even to my female friends, ( due to my boyfriend I even realized that I am shy and even scared of physical touch, I don’t know why I am like this).

    But my boyfriend entered in my life when I was going through emotional crises and unknowingly he was always there when I was upset and through his humor he used to make me laugh. And then I start considering him as my best friend we both were in different cities, even than we used to chat daily on facebook or through texting. In period of 2 yrs there was hardly a day when we didn’t talk.
    After 2yrs for few months my parents send me to another city (city where my boyfriend lives) for taking special classes there. There he helped me out in every situation, we start spending more and more time together. And this how our relationship begins. We belong to different religions and that’s why I urged him to stay as friends because we don’t have future. but he refused to it. But slowly we started to realize that some how we will manage, though it would be tough to fight your parents and society.
    Those months are just like heaven we never quarreled (apart of intimacy problem i am scared of it and moreover it was against my religious belief and losing your virginity is a sin before marriage) his way of expressing his love was too romantic just like we watch in movie or read in novels (which I never dreamed of). He cried for me, when I was going back to my city. We spend 12-14hrs and even then he never wanted me to go, just ask me to sit with him little more (even if we are not taking simply silently sitting in a café).

    In beginning of relationship I tried to convince him and strongly resisted for physical intimacy but I failed . This physical intimacy and love for him gave me strong guilt feeling.

    but i feel i have fallen from my standards, cheating my parents and committed a crime
    and my trust on him has shaken, i feel like he is cheating me and his only motive was physical intimacy.
    i am surrounded by insecurity , guilt, sinner feeling, loser and like i have lost every thing. i am a bad girl now with no values. all this are killing me eating me from inside.
    what will i do when my parents ask me to marry someone else, if someone come to now about my relationship what they will think of me etc are just destroying me.
    i am in a situation where i feel i am completely rotten out and have no right to live.

    #15131

    CpyderW
    Keymaster

    dear sir/ madam
    i want your help i am going through lot in my life and dont know what to do. last year i got married during first month of marriage everything seems good but slowly slowly problem started my in laws my husband all started having problem. and started giving me mental torture. i even had one miscarriage and everyone left me alone at home i was unconscious for many hours. few months back i gave birth to baby girl my in laws sent me to my parents house on my first stage of pregnancy by saying that my mother in law is not well and wont be able to take care of me. my husband used to visit me lot during my pregnancy. but after i gave birth to baby girl my husband hasnt visited me he left his 2 day old daughter and hasn’t even seen her since than. now he started blaming my family he abuse my parents and he is saying that he will not talk with my parents. and lets see for how long can my parents keep me and my baby. after some days he talk about legal separation than he start appologizing than again he goes that i should break all ties with my parents if i have to come to him. he is not at all worried about his baby. last week he says that he is shifting to some new place and i should join him when i told him that talk to my parents he refused. he is not telling me where he is gonna take me or where that place all he says i should join him without asking any question and that i should trust him. i dont know what to do how can i trust him. when he left his two day old daughter and sick wife. my in laws says we will not interfere in this but i know very well that they are the one guiding him
    please help me please
    unknown

    #15132

    unknown
    Participant
    Guest wrote:
    now everyone tells me to forget him and move ahead but is it so easy to forget that person who is father of your child and your husband. please guide me on what to do
    dear sir/ madam
    i want your help i am going through lot in my life and dont know what to do. last year i got married during first month of marriage everything seems good but slowly slowly problem started my in laws my husband all started having problem. and started giving me mental torture. i even had one miscarriage and everyone left me alone at home i was unconscious for many hours. few months back i gave birth to baby girl my in laws sent me to my parents house on my first stage of pregnancy by saying that my mother in law is not well and wont be able to take care of me. my husband used to visit me lot during my pregnancy. but after i gave birth to baby girl my husband hasnt visited me he left his 2 day old daughter and hasn’t even seen her since than. now he started blaming my family he abuse my parents and he is saying that he will not talk with my parents. and lets see for how long can my parents keep me and my baby. after some days he talk about legal separation than he start appologizing than again he goes that i should break all ties with my parents if i have to come to him. he is not at all worried about his baby. last week he says that he is shifting to some new place and i should join him when i told him that talk to my parents he refused. he is not telling me where he is gonna take me or where that place all he says i should join him without asking any question and that i should trust him. i dont know what to do how can i trust him. when he left his two day old daughter and sick wife. my in laws says we will not interfere in this but i know very well that they are the one guiding him
    please help me please
    unknown

    #15134

    CpyderW
    Keymaster

    Dear Prachi,

    I am a married girl, (since 4 years), love marriage. I have known my husband since 9 years now (5 yrs before marriage). I had been in an affair (sexual relation) with my colleague from the time of my marriage (for 1.5 years). He was also married. His wife got to know there was something between us, and she complained to my husband. Both , his wife and my husband only knew there was possibly something, but we convinced them there was nothing (atleast I convinced my husband, though he dint still like the fact that I was close to that guy). I have moved on since then. Now, recently my husband has grown close to his colleague and spends a lot of time alone with her. I have started spying on him and checking his mails, messages etc., which he deletes as soon as he sends! When I asked him about her, he says he gets along with her and she is just a friend. But I have seen him texting her at 5 in the morning, 1 in the night!
    I feel very helpless, and he gets very irritated when I tell him anything about this. He tells me to trust him (as he is sure he can never do anything that is wrong morally), and not say much as I have also done something wrong sometime, and he says he is not doing anything like that, but I feel mentally frustrated. I have started relating things, and I feel what goes around comes around, infact I even apopligised to that girl (text her)! I dont think I can tell my husband the entire truth about my relationship (because I will surely loose him), but I am suffering evry minute and repent a lot for my doings. I cant undo what I have done, but I am not being able to cope with the fact that my husbands goes for work at 12.00 in the night and meets her!! He meets her the whole day, then comes back home and texts her. I dont know how to take all this. I cannot tell him that I know he texts her, because he deletes the messages (I have seen his reports and send items list is deleted). I even went to the extent of spying on him by secretly seeing what he is upto in the bathroom , and he caught me. He said I need psychological help. I do believe him that there is possibly no affair between them, but I dont like the fact that he is not open to me about her. When I told him to tell me everything he does with her, or talks to her about, he says I should give him space, and trust him, that he wont do anything wrong. I am going mad. Please help

    #15135

    Anonymous
    Participant

    Hi Prachi,
    Mine was an arranged marriage, I have been married for 1.4 years. Before marriage I have never been in any relationship , but my husband was in one relation about which he told me before marriage also he told me that it was all over between them so I got married to him. But we are having a lot of issues and now I am not able to cope with it. We always keep on fighting, it is very depressing and it is affecting my health also.
    It all actually started after 4th months into our wedding, I just happen to use his phone when I saw messages that my husband had sent to a girl (something like “Hey Baby” , “Want to see u”). Also i saw a lot of calls being made to her throughout the day and at late nights (11.30 – 12.00). At the same time he use to rarely message or call me. After a long time of keeping quiet I confronnted him, he gave me crap like she’s just a friend and he talks to all his friends like that. I said I dont believe him and if he will not tell me the truth I will tell our parents about it.
    Thats when he told me that she was his ex girlfriend and she was going through a rough phase so he was helping her out. That female works in the same office as him. After that he promised to not talk to her ever again and work towards building the trust again.

    But after that incident i found that he acted as if he had done nothing wrong, he started finding faults in me always. He didnt like the way i dressed, my hair, shoes i wear. (basically he started critizing everything) I got so fed up with all this coz he was the one who was supposed to work at building up the broken trust instead he was starting a new chapter all over again. We didnt have anything to talk among us (4th months we got married) no messages, no sweet love declaration nothing.
    During the 5th month he told me that he does not like or love me. For him to love or like he needs to be attracted to them and apparently he was not attracted to me. He told me he didnt like the way I dressed, and it seems i am fat. He has a good built according to him and to match up to him i also have to have a good body. I should start maintaining a good body, wear good fitting clothes (feminine salwar kameez) , wear heels as i am short etc etc. After i do all those changes then only he can get attacted to me and love me. Otherwise he cannot think anything else in future.
    I had asked hm if appearance mattered to him so much why didnt he consider it at the time of marriage , then also I was same (so called fat!!) he ruined my life. What will he do after pregnance then when i get fatter … (It seems that is a difference issue al together according to him)
    So with that opinion of his for me i left for a work opportunity i got for 7 months. He himself told me to go as it would be a good exposure. I am not sure what he did here at that time. But he didnt call me at all after that.
    After coming back i told him i am thinking of separating coz of the opinion he had. Thats when he said no, lets make this marraige work. So again against my better judgement i stayed(toomany ppl to consider his parents , mine and relatives). Again he started acting as if he has not done anything wrong , started finding faults in me.. never ever said he likes me, no messages no calls.

    I am a person who dreams about mills and boon like stories who wants her husband to love her and tell her the same. So now my life is such a disaster , I dont know what to do!!! Please help me. We dont have anything to talk coz i cant forget whatever he had done in the past. Also he never spends time with me. Whenever we ar at home and whole family is sitting together for meals he will get up and go and eat in his room and sit on his laptop (He is always on his laptop, once i tried checking based on the browsing history what he was seeing) I found that he was always watching porn sites (Not sure if the guys of age 30 still see it– this also hurt me a lot). I dont see my life partner in him anymore..what should i do.. what about society n all..

    Thanks in advance for all ur advice!!!

    #15136

    prutha
    Participant

    Hi, prachi, i really want you to help me out…as i’m feeling like to just close my eyes. I’m so confused and i need help.
    i was into relationship with my very good friend almost 4yrs, but he refused to commit…now i m 27, we broke up mutually though he wanted to go ahead but i refused…coz i wanted confirmation, i wanted security. i was totally committed to him. we ended as a friend, we still talk, normally, but still i feel there is something.
    I still care about him, i dont know why but i feel i still love him.
    M nt able to go into other relationship as i’m hurt deeply, i tried commiting suicide but later realised its not worth ending up my life like this.
    I want to go into other relationship but m scared. or, shall i tell my ex that i still have some feelings n lets give one more try. What to do? i have all the answers but i dnt have any :(
    Please help….

    #15139

    CpyderW
    Keymaster

    i am 25 years old married woman. i was never supported or loved by my family since childhood. i was always an irritated child and grown up like one irritated person. small things make me mad. I have no control on my temper and sometimes i feel extremely helpless abt it.i get angry and then i loose control over my tongue and speak some utter nonsense to people. whatever i speak is truth, but i know shouldnot say it. i will tell u an incident that happenned tonite. i stay in an rented apartment with my husband and kid. my hubby is out of town mostly for his work. my landlady is very greedy. she insists on having her maid to be employed in our house, even if there is a delay of one day in paying rent, she will come and crib about it and chew our heads.my hubby went to her place to pay her rent but she was not at home, hubby left for office. he was suppossed to come in the evening, but she cribbed about it saying why dont you keep money with you and all. she had a bulb fused off from her house,so she took one from our floor which was there in the staircase. i told her to put another one there as it is difficult to climb with a baby in hands and i have to lock the door everytime i go. she didnt put the bulb there.so i got one and put it there. today she took that bulb too without my knowledge. when i asked her,she said bill bohot ata hai electricity ka and all that. we had a fight over this.i argued that i hav a small baby,if while climbing the stairs i fall down and baby gets hurt then whose responsibility it is?she said she dont care about it. then i got mad and i said her that she will not understand a mother’s concern becoz she never had a baby from her own tummy.{she has a adopted daughter of about 24 years old} her daughter interfered in our fight and said i have no manners how to speak, then i told her daughter that i dont need tolearn it from sumbody like her. i know whhatever i spoke was disgusting and in no circumstances i should hav said that, but somewhere i just couldnot controlmy temper. my difficult childhood has made me absolutely heartless about others feelings. i am crying over my helplessness. i am not able to help myself. please help

    #15144

    CpyderW
    Keymaster

    Dear Prachi,

    Life become so miserable lately. I lost my best friend in a car accident recently( 2 weeks) back. I really could’nt take it. She is my childhood friend. We have been friends for more than 22 years..I feel so sad as she is the only close friend i ever had in my life. She is supposed to get engaged on November 2012 but everything spoilt at the end. I could’nt console her family and boyfriend..I am hiding myself in the house for the past few weeks. I really dont know to whom i should share my feelings..My boyfriend always yields at me whenever i cried thinking of my best friend..Nowadays he also don’t bother about me. I really don’t know what is happening around. My life full of saddness. I feel alone and I dont have siblings to rely on. My life is so empty without her. What am i supposed to do Prachi? I have been visiting temples quite often nowadays in a hope that god will help me to get rid of this situation. I’m a law graduate and jobless. This is another factor that ruins my life. I could’nt find a job for myself. I lost interest to work after she left me.I have been hiding in house.. The memories we shared together is killing me. Her wedding plan,my wedding plan,the surprices that I wanted to give on her wedding is killing me Prachi.. Please help me.. My heart is aching to the maximum..

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