This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Prachi 3 months ago.

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  • #20776

    kanta
    Participant

    Hi,

    I got married 4 years back, we have 3 years old kid and she is pregnant now,

    she is always try to be a dominant, she is completely influenced by her father, whatever her father says it is a laxmana rekha to her, she is immature person as she shares everything with her father (including husband & wife secrets, talks).

    Though we got married she never felt this is her family, in last 4 years she lived with me very reserve, if I talk then only she will talk otherwise she never spend time with me freely, I took her outside every weekend to bring some changes in her but at outside also she is very calm, when I asked her to be jovial she says by birth she is like that only and mentions she don’t know how to be a jovial.

    During marriage there were some harsh talks happened between her family members & my family members, she is suffering always by recollecting those incidents though I said many times forget it it’s past nothing we can do, everyone is our family members now we can’t separate out/stop talking with them but she never listens my words, her mind boils daily with all past things, she always try to take revenge on my family members.

    My mother lives in my home town, she never respects my mother so there will be no good relationship between them, in my 4 years married life my mother came to my house only twice but my wife always fight with me by saying I am mom’s kid.

    She never felt this is her family, always waits for the chance to go to her parent’s home, once she decided to go her parent’s home, that’s it she don’t care anything because once my daughter fell sick severely but she traveled without listening me by taking my daughter to her home town.

    If I tried to convince her in any matter, at one stage she shouts loudly, beat the doors & runs out side and at the end she attempts suicide.

    From day 1 I have been observing she is threatening me by suicidal attempts. I informed to her father many times but he blindly supports her daughter never respect / listen my words.
    By seeing all her suicidal attempts In between, I left her at her parent’s home and denied to take her back, they approached me my brother-in law then my brother in law asked them to write a letter that she never threaten again by suicidal attempts, my wife & her father written letters too.

    After coming back, she kept quiet one month then again it’s a dog’s tail.
    In the past my wife & her brother went to police station to file complaint but inspector enquired about facts then convinced her to stop all these stupid things and mentioned it’s her family don’t spoil yourself, recently she went to her parent’s home and again filed a harassment complaint in a police station when I received a call from police station I shocked as she has been harassing me by doing all these things, I asked them to enquire with my neighbors, they did enquire and now they realized that problem is with her and not with me, so they mentioned that they will give counselling to her and she will come back after delivery.

    I am sure she will come back but I want to bring change in her otherwise my rest of the life would be hell like this as I don’t believe their counselling will change her because in the past 4 years many times we(friends & family members) have been saying stop all these things, she never care anyone except her father who blindly support her all the activities so when he supports her she feels whatever done by her is correct and others are villains to her, including me, but she is not realizing that she is spoiling our’s life by doing all these things .

    My friends are suggests to give a divorce and with the frustration I have now I can send a divorce notice but i am thinking about children and she is pregnant now so why should children will suffer for the Inability to solve the issue if we have any.

    At this moment I am completely depressed with her harassment and not in a possession to decide anything but exploring possibilities to bring change in her , is it possible to bring change in her by giving any treatment?

    Please suggest me to take correct decision.

    Thank you,
    Kanta.

    #21411

    Prachi
    Participant

    Hi Kanta,

    I can imagine the frustration you must be going through. I have dealt with a similar case in my practice before also. I suggest you first have a conversation with her father alone and tell him to give you a couple of months time without having any contact with his daughter.Its highly possible that because of her attachment there, she isn’t able to give another man (you) an important place in her life.If her father agrees to give you some space, then try and visit a marriage counsellor. The counsellor will be able to figure out exactly what are her issues and will be able to open new channels of communication between you two. If you like, we can help you find a suitable counsellor if you tell us the city you live in. All the best!

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