Wish to avoid a divorce with my wife

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    Perhaps the subject line of this thread says it all!

    I am staying in Thane West, India, and got married through an arranged alliance in July 2013. I am 35 and my wife is 34.

    I have two elder sisters, both married, and mom. We have been an extremely close-knit family deeply embedded in family values, god-fearing and traditions, although this is 3rd generation that we’re living in Bombay.

    I work in an MNC and do not smoke or drink; we’re pure vegetarians.

    At the time of our engagement, I and my fiancé, my current wife, went out shopping for rings to be exchanged. While I selected a ring which cost INR 20k (with sole purpose of not burdening her or her family on flimsy materialistic grounds), she insisted on buying a ring worth INR 84K, which I gave into, on grounds that we would divide the cost (the original arrangement was that she would sponsor my ring as I would do hers)

    She called her mother from the showroom and the latter checked if her daughter needed money. This episode didn’t go down well with my family; however, I chose to ignore it on grounds that things would change.

    In fact, while my family was of the opinion that we should conduct a background check, I was insistent on leaving it to good faith and hence we did not check out the house where she stayed before marriage….there are some more incidents that happened which were on similar grounds.

    Nonetheless, we got married in July 2013, since I was tired of scouting for new alliances and meeting up females with hopes that things would change. they appeared to.

    My wife started to mingle within the family, albeit, she had her own share of hangups; but that was ignored on grounds that she had stayed in an environment for more than 30 years and hence would take time to adapt and positive visible changes in her behaviour were seen.

    We shared salaries, vacationed together and as a family (she, my mom and I) and planned to do up a house. My mother considered her as a daughter and would prepare lunch boxes as early as 4.30 am in the morning, well within time before my wife’s transport arrived at 5 am, since she works in a BPO.

    However, the worst was to arrive; 2 weeks ago I realized that my wife had been married and divorced once earlier, something that was not revealed to us. And then, during the period that she was undergoing divorce with her 1st husband, she found a shoulder to cry-on in her brother-in-law, with whom she had a relationship. Her brother-in-law and sister have a 7 year age difference (he is younger to his wife)

    My family has not been too happy about this and are contemplating us to seek divorce. However, I love my wife and willing to give her a chance purely on grounds that, 1. she had started to change after marriage and was in the mode of settling down as a family member (albeit with her own share of hangups) and 2. whatever happened was before marriage and needs to be seen in past light

    I have severed my ties with her and to keep things cool at home, I have also pledged not to meet her or connect with her for at least 6 months – it’s only been 15 days this far!

    I miss her a lot and so does she since she is staying at her parents’ place; they visited our place and only had to offer an apology!

    As mentioned earlier, I am very close to my family and hence would not like to part ways with them as well as maintain my oath of loyalty to my wife!

    Don’t know what to do; how will I spend the next 6 months without her being around with me! The memories are too strong and cannot be easily forgotten!



    Your parents are right. When any person is in love there is a chemical reaction going on inside body & mind, due to which any one is unable to see the other person’s fault, same thing is happening with you. It’s just been an year of your marriage, after 4 -5 years you will be saying the same language your parents are saying, as this chemical reaction has a maximum time limit of 36 months. No relationship can be created on the basis of cheating or false information. This is just one perspective consult with some more members of your family or relatives as well.

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