My grandmother’s passing

They say grandmothers are a little bit of your parent and a little bit of your best friend. My life suddenly changed when I lost her to heaven. She went away so peacefully but her sudden absence took away my peace of mind. I was diagnosed with depression around the same time. The weight of handling everybody else along with yourself, sometime makes them strong but leaves you weaker than before. It was a tough time for me, because I never realized about the concept of death. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t turn off the emotional turmoil of losing my loved one. The recovery from her death and her loss seemed impossible. I used to feel helpless and exhausted, as if somebody had shut my eyes and all I could see around was darkness. I still remember I did not eat for days because my routine of having her around, disappeared. I was unable to sleep at night, or get up in the morning. I used to lay in bed just to pass another day without getting to hear or talk to her. My biggest challenge was to step into her room knowing that she won’t be here from today. Frankly, that left me completely hopeless about what am I going to do without her now. I often get goose bumps acknowledging that I passed those days of shock and sadness, and I am still living without her magical…beautiful presence.  Hence, I sought help from a therapist; for my emotional well-being, for understanding that death is not avoidable. Click To Tweet

Sharing the pain

Just when I knew I was getting dragged into this world full of isolation, misery and dark baggage of emotions, I turned to my family. I suddenly realized that as much as I was broken inside, they too were. The loss we shared somewhat helped each one of us move on from this phase, and we became much closer than before. My relationship with my boyfriend also helped me so much, because when I see his share of life’s suffering, it gives me immense courage and strength that I can’t explain. He has been there with me through every ups and downs of my life including this and with him, I began to prepare for life as it comes.

I was somebody who doesn’t like to share my problems at all. I used to appear as a superwoman to others: cheerful and chirpy, and always transforming everybody’s lives with love and care. Maybe this was my turn – for the first time I started to speak to my family and share my apprehensions. It was important to start trying…. So I had to. I tried my best to gather the courage in cherishing those beautiful memories of her and find the goodness behind losing her:

Maybe I couldn’t have seen her dying of an ailment or a serious disease?

Maybe her suffering would have made all of us more helpless and unstable?

A new milestone

This somewhat helped me so much. Having another perspective of seeing your own loss began to heal me. As it is said, “this too shall pass”. It was difficult at first. Very very difficult. Being aware of what you are feeling and overcoming such deep loss is never easy. Hence, I sought help from a therapist; for my emotional well-being, for understanding that death is not avoidable.  Life is temporary so live it to the fullest. Do not crib about what you don’t have, or what you can’t become. You have been gifted a life, treasure your loved ones, spend as much time as you can with them, before it’s too late.

I’m fortunate enough that I could spend so much time with my grandma: learn absolutely amazing things, empower myself with resiliency, love and respect towards others; but in reality, we are never really enough or satisfied with what we have. I could truly empathize with someone who has lost a close one, but I would like to tell you that life goes on….Instill that hope in yourself that those we love never really go away, they might be unheard or unseen but they walk beside us every day.

Editor’s Note:  Although time is a great healer, active help can speed up the process. This article by a qualified psychologist brings forth the importance of professional counselling in dealing with that affect our mental state.  Another clinical psychologist Ruchi Trivedi has shared a series of articles on losing her fiance and how she coped with the loss.