There are times when I can feel the sound of silence..feel the existence of two parallel worlds moving together..my world and the rest of the world. There are moments when you feel that you have come a long way, and then doubts about the world moving faster than you. Times when you might find yourself standing just where you were few years back. Sometimes I feel that our existence is often defined in relation to the world around us..with the relationships we have. Its like we are the sun and the planets are our relationships or our people.
When we lose someone, we end up feeling that a part of us has disappeared and our universe has faced some turbulence. It does affect our existence so much so that all we think of is the part that is no more. I have realized this so many times in this period of grieving that we focus so much on what we have lost that we stop valuing what we have. Whether it is having a break-up, losing a job, financial loss or losing a closed one, loss in any form does cause a (hopefully temporary) disturbance, varying in form and intensity. It does leave us with hours of dwelling about what we lost and what we don’t have and what we had.
As we all know that thinking is the most beautiful and natural gift we have. The question is how important are these hours of endless debates with yourself about what you don’t have in the present? The question is what are you giving up in order to continue your presence in the self built sphere of losses? How much are you willing to give away in exchange of what you can’t have… back?
I completely understand and know that it is not easy..it is not supposed to be easy..we are “human” beings..if we don’t experience and feel..who will? The thing is all of us are always on the urge to build the most rational world of our own, compelling ourselves to think and think about us in our own universe..about what we had and what we no longer have..so much so that we fail to give ourselves to the relationships we still have in our hands.
Sometimes we drown ourselves in so much work in order to avoid recalling and remembering the lost parts of our lives, but at the cost of losing our present too…disturbing our so called alive universe. Do you think life sounds easier this way? Well, if you ask me..my answer is no. You cannot expect yourself to learn the skill of ignoring the past. Your past is a part of you, making you the best you ever can be in this very moment. Don’t you think it would be lot easier to love yourself and your universe if you accept yourself as a whole being and respect each and every part that contributed to your existence?
Don’t you think the pain you experienced needs a note of thanks? I feel I am a much better person than I was yesterday. Yes..it does pain..it is disturbing to realize the loss but yes, reminding of what I had, or what I received does help to some extent..But what helps the most is the cup of coffees with your people, the laughter that echoes around, a message on your mobile, call from your significant others, the warm hugs, exchange of silent expressions, the knock on the door, baseless arguments, short and long conversations and so many other important existing alive beings and the shared moments with them.
Yes, I have to remind myself again and again about what I have..my planets..my constellations..my stars. So what? All of us set alarms to wake up..reminders for birthdays, anniversaries and meetings. It is okay..It’s never too late..after all they say that habits are formed by continuous repetitive acts.
And one day I am sure I will get conditioned to be able to give consistent rays of love, care and respect to parts of my universe..just like the sun. Lastly, I would sign off by sharing what I have learnt from my loss..and that is remember to acknowledge your existence.. love yourself in sickness and health, but most importantly don’t forget to show the love you have for “your” existing planets , before you lose these planets..before you lose your real self. 🙂